People need to take responsibility for their own actions
And suffer the consequences
To learn their spiritual lessons
Keep the focus on yourself

You only have the power to change yourself…

Stay in your own lane…

Sometimes the spiritual lesson
Will keep repeating
Until you learn the lesson…

Revenge keeps you psychically connected to
Another in a negative way

Forgive them 
to release that
Negative connection

Wow, I like this quote
Revenge and hate reside in the mind
“Take my thoughts captive”
Forgiveness and love
Reside in the soul…

Accept and be grateful for the
Feelings of revenge 
They can be a catalyst
For spiritual growth by
Practicing forgiveness
To free your soul ties to that person or situation

Wow, this quote tells me that
I need to take capture my thoughts of revenge

Before the negative thoughts
go to my feelings…

I will be able to ignore the hurtful words or actions of others

And they will not jump on me to hurt me…
I am sure this will take a lot of practice

I can stop the negativity of others’ actions and words
In my mind… and not give them power…

So, if I use my mind 
And not give power to negativity…
I would not even have to forgive that person…

I only need to forgive them when 
I have internalized their 
Negative actions or deeds…

Inside my heart and soul…
I find peace…

Choose forgiveness…
This is one of the hardest spiritual lessons…
To forgive ourselves and others…

I probably will be writing a lot on forgiveness 
 Because I am working on that 
With several family members
And forgiving myself…
Stay tuned…

Lots of Love,
Esther Mae
3-21-2023

Spiritual Self Care
Willing to Let God Speak to me today.

As you know my process,
I start with quotes and
keep writing and
finding more quotes and
Let the Healing Spirit of God
Speak to me…

I want to heal the darkness?
The specific darkness of my soul which
I have now been experiencing…
This quote says I need to
find the courage
to
defeat the darkness
of my soul

So what is this light of courage
that will defeat the darkness of suffering?

Courage is the awareness of fear
Courage is accepting fear
and courage is taking action to combat fear. (AAA)Aware, Accept, Action)
It takes a lot of courage to make changes…

This quote tells us that in order to have
courage to do something
we need to use our faith
to deal with our fears
Faith is asking our Higher Power, God
to help us figure out
what is causing the darkness…

It starts with willingness…

To make a change
You must be willing
to commit
to change
to have an open mind and
willing to take action

Awareness (is the key)


to open the door
of healing and change

You have to know what the situation is
in order to change and heal it…

This quote tells me that darkness of my soul
is a trigger that something is out of balance
and is surfacing for me
to become aware of
to accept
and then take action to bring it to the light
Divine light
for healing…
I label this an opportunity
to learn a spiritual lesson…
to heal my spiritual heart…
to get me unstuck…

This tells me that I am out of balance…
I have learned through experience
that if I do not accept the path of growth
I will go deeper and deeper into this
darkness…and sadness and loneliness
Dark Night of the Soul is
a sense of being lost
and
The heart will be mourning…

Oh my God…

Thank you for the awareness…
I am still grieving the loss of my sponsor…
Sylvia
Part of my heart went with you
when you passed away…

I feel all alone…


Sylvia…was a spiritual mom to me

For thirty years
She walked side by side with me
through my recovery,
trials and growth
and life and spiritual lessons…

Being estranged from my biological family
Sylvia stepped in to
mentor and
love me…
through the worst trials
and pain of my life..
I know God sent her to help me and walk with me
She was one of my angels…
I told her all my secrets

I know part of my heart
went with her when she died

I came across this quote
and I know this is a message
from Sylvia to me…
Sylvia came to me in a dream…
She appeared and gave me a big hug
and then she slowly
disappeared.
As I was waking up
I could still feel the warmth of that love…

My spiritual enlightenment is
that love is the
light that pushed back darkness…
I need to let that light of love shine…
That light of love is feed by
Divine Love…
and Divine Healing…

When I walked through the fear of
abandonment and asked for help
God sent an earth angel, Sylvia
to walk with me through my trials…
Sylvia touched my soul with her heart and spirit
and role-modeled unconditional love
which helped me open up to
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit…

WHEN WE ARE LOVED AND ACCEPTED
JUST AS WE ARE…
IT GIVES US COURAGE TO FACE
“LIFE ON LIFE’S TERMS”

My Thank You Letter to Sylvia…

Thank you, Sylvia
for showing up in my life
when I needed you the most…
You listened to me whine…
You hugged me when I was hurt and crying…
You told me it would be ok…
You prayed for me…
You loved me when I was unlovable…
You did not abandon me…
You did not yell at me…
You did not tell me what to do…
You gave me suggestions
You accepted me whether I did them or not…
At that time in my life
I needed to have faith…
You interceded for me
when I could not even pray…
I cannot ever thank you enough…
As I am writing this to you
I am hearing you say,

“Esther, one way you can thank me
is to go back to AA and continue what
you were doing before,
keep passing on
the love and acceptance to
those who are hurting…
sharing your story,
sharing your experience,
sharing your
strength and hope…”
“Snap out of it”
Pass it on…
Share the light…

Wow,
amazing how this writing works…
I got my answer…
I will take action and follow through…
God needs me to help others…

Have a wonderful day…
It is good to be back…
In the light…

Hope you all are walking in God’s Healing Light…

Esther Mae. 3-20-2023

September 9, 1989

33 years of recovery and continual sobriety

September 9, 1989  
Beginning of my multi-faceted Miracle
I took a first step and permanently stopped drinking alcohol…
One day at a time…..lasting for 33 years as of  today

Today I celebrate 
33 continuous years of recovery and sobriety
My Miracle gave birth when
Someone prayed for me,
asking God to help me…

If you see someone in trouble, pray, “God Help Them”

I cried out to God
“Please Help Me”

“Was I being punished? Did God turn his back on me?”

I had no idea how out of control
my husband’s drinking
had become
causing so much havoc in my marriage,
my life and
the life of our son.  

Change is only possible, If I accept my situation for what it is…

I drank more and more
to cope with life
which was
spiraling out of control
I thought I needed to
disassociate with the present,
which was too painful to accept
and thought I needed
to bury the past,
which was too painful to relive.

The wounds of the past need to be brought into the light for healing…

I started nagging and blaming my husband
for his drinking
Which only made matters worse and 
The anger and rage increased in volume

fear had power over me…

Blaming my husband made it worse
Blaming God for the traumas in my history
and blaming God for not answering my prayers
for my marriage and my family,
disconnected me from
divine help which
I needed so desperately.

Thank God someone was praying for me, when I could not pray…

As you will notice,
I only saw one set of footprints
I felt like I was all alone 
Felt like God had abandoned me.
I could not share with anyone 
what was really going on in our household
behind closed doors.  
I was too embarrassed and ashamed. 
Someone stepped up to the plate
And took me to Alanon
They understood the craziness that 
happens when living with a person
who drinks too much alcohol.
My head started to clear when 
I stopped drinking
which was when I was
Pregnant with our son.

I started to not care about my life, however, the love for my son, gave me hope and courage to find a way to get free from this insanity…

Then I breastfed my son for 3 months
without touching a drop
Of alcohol.  

This brief time without drinking
brought me out of denial.
I started to see the damage the alcohol was 
Doing to me,
my marriage and
my son’s life. 
My drinking was never the same after I gave
Birth to my son.
My son was definitely
an angel sent from above
to love and cherish.

 This love gave me the motivation
to start my spiritual healing journey
in 
Alanon
They taught me the three C’s

My husband kept telling me that
it was my fault that
He was drinking
I tried to get him to stop
I asked God to get Him to stop
I tried crying, begging, and pleading
His anger towards me
only increased
in volume and degrees
I came to realize that I could not change him
I only had power to change myself
and my attitude

He drank a lot more than me
So I thought he was the only one with the problem.
I could stop and start whenever I wanted… 
until it didn’t work anymore.  
Alcohol turned on me also.  
I still continued binge drinking, with occasional
blackouts,
until…

After driving drunk with our small child on my lap,  
While fleeing from a raging husband,
I spiritually woke up and
stopped drinking all together…
This is when God opened up the
doors of grace and mercy…
Counseling, Codependency treatment, 3 times, more counseling, 
2 year bible school, chaplaincy training.
Attended Alanon, AA, CoDa (Codependency 12 steps)
and continued down
A long painful pathway of healing and recovery.
Some days were more painful than others.
I was led to work in the Drug and Alcohol Prevention field 
for many years until
Retirement.  
I got a sponsor and I worked the 12 step programs in
AA, Alanon, CoDa and kept mentoring
and helping others along the way.
As I helped others,
God healed me…

Today, I thank all of the human angels
that showed up at the right time
And at the right moment
to help me grow and mature
and learn my spiritual lessons.  
To Name a few: Sylvia, Barb, Connie, Eileen, Linda, Sally, Patricia, Denise, Terry, Bill, Jesse, Theon, Donna, Shirley, Audrea and many many more. 
I thank my two husbands who in the midst of turmoil,
provided an opportunity for me to grow
and learn many spiritual lessons.
 I just kept an open heart,
open mind and
open spirit
to learn my spiritual lessons.  
Thank you all.
 
Most of all, thank you God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit for being the guiding force of grace to rescue me and bring me back into your will and presence. 
 
A lot of my angels have passed on and are waiting for me in heaven.  Some have gotten busy with other things, which is life.
 
I am now in the process of trying to establish new friendships.  
I pray that God sends me good friends to have fun with. 
I do not like to live life alone.  
 
God already sent me the most beautiful puppy.  
I named her Bling Bling. 
She is such a beautiful Gift from God…
She has already
rekindling love and passion
back in my spirit and heart again.
I just came out of a depression.
I will write more about that
later…
 

We all need to practice giving and receiving unconditional love…so we are ready to receive the love of our Father, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit…

Love you all,
 
Esther Mae.    9-9-2022

I never could understand this picture of Jesus and

the concept of the door.

Maybe today is the day to gain more understanding and

wisdom on this?

Those of you that have been following my blog and writings,

are familiar with how I write.

I start with a picture quote or spiritual concept and

then keep adding other pictural quotes and

see where the Spirit takes us…

Be prepared for your tailor-made message from God

I do a lot of research and

pray and walk and

pray and walk and

keep surrendering to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit

to help me write words that will touch

each and every one of you

in a very special way.

The miracle that happens

if you are open and willing to

receive it…

I am realizing,

God is touching

and healing

my heart

along the way…

When heavens doors are open,

I believe we can all tap

into divine wisdom,

divine knowledge,

divine love,

divine understanding

and divine power.

Get ready to be changed…

HOW do we begin?

How do we go down this spiritual path and learn?

HOW

H – Honesty – approach each encounter with sincerity and honesty

O- Open our hearts,

emotions,

minds and

Spirit

W- Willing to hear,

see and

learn from the

Spirit of God

Jesus must be important

because even our calendar

started with the

Birth of Jesus

Today, April 15, 2022 A.D.

stands for the year of the Lord,

specifically relating to the birth of Jesus Christ.

Jesus was and is still important

Good Friday is today

Maybe we will

develop a deeper

meaning for what

happened on this day.

What was God thinking

when He asked Jesus

to Suffer and

die on the cross

For our sins?

I remember as a child

I was taught that Jesus was

the Lamb of God

Who took away the sins

of the world

This spiritual concept

was way too difficult

for me to understand

I grew up in the Church of the Brethren,

a protestant church

I loved to sing hymns

One such hymn addressed this issue:

“The Power of the Blood”

Please click on this link and listen to the words…

https://youtu.be/y2VhXwpANgI

I sang the song and the words

were instilled in my soul

However,

I could not comprehend why such brutality and

The shedding of Blood and the Death of Jesus

Was necessary to forgive my sins…

Couldn’t there have been

A softer, less brutal way of forgiving my sins?

I grew up attending a protestant church,

so of course,

we had a bare cross,

focusing more on the resurrection

rather than the death of Jesus

Last year, on my spiritual pilgrimage

“El Camino de Santiago de Frances”

“I was retracing a 500 mile walk done by Saint James,

the patron saint

of Spain

Also most importantly,

one of Jesus’s apostles,

St James also was also tortured and beheaded

Simply because he preached about Jesus

Almost every town I walked through

Had a church with a bleeding

statue of Jesus on the cross

I was drawn to my knees

in tears

I no longer viewed the

blood and torture

as grotesque,

I understood

what had happened on the cross…

Having had a spiritual awakening

I realized that

That some of that pain and suffering Jesus felt

Was a direct result of my sins and mistakes

Jesus suffered because of my mistakes

so I could be forgiven

What an awareness.

I spoke to Jesus and told Him

I was so sorry that I had caused Him so much pain.

I understood at that moment in time

That on that cross he humanly suffered

The pain of All of our sins

So we could be washed clean and forgiven

God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit

Really do understand and feel

our emotions,

pain and happiness…

Now I understand why the catholic churches

Still have Jesus on the cross.

Many of the churches now do not even

Have a cross in their churches

What has happened?

When I attended a 2 year Worship Center Bible School,

I learned that in the Old Testament

God provided a way for the

Forgiveness of sins

Special services were performed

And the blood of specific lambs

Were used to forgive sins

This was the precursor to Jesus

Jesus became that divine

Sacrificial lamb for the forgiveness of sins

The only requirement is that we believe

Thus the New Testament in the Bible,

The New Covenant

Wow

Look and take in this picture quote

Christ’s Blood made

Forgiveness possible

without this

sacrifice

No forgiveness of sin

Wow

Now this statement goes a little deeper

about praying the

Power of the Blood

for protection…

I have been starting to Plead

the Power of the blood

As protection over myself

and others

Where does this practice

come from?

What example did

God give us?

This story of the Passover, in the Old Testament in the Bible

Shows the power of the blood for protection

How much more protection we could have using

The Power of the

Blood of Jesus

for

Protection

Against Evil

Those of you that have been reading my writings,

Know that I stress these 3 A’s

AAA (Awareness, Acceptance and Action)

Jesus followed these principles also

A – Awareness – Jesus was aware of God’s Will for his life

A- Acceptance – Jesus prayed and accepted his fate and purpose

A- Action – Jesus showed up for a human life

(fully human and fully divine)and

let God’s plan unfold

and continued to pray for courage and strength

to endure the physical pain and mental

rejection and abandonment and

physical and mental abuse

and suffered and died and rise again

so we could be forgiven

and have eternal life

It is important we do these 3 A’s

AAA (Aware, Accept and Take Action)

A – Aware of what Christ did for you

A- Accept that Christ died for your sins

A – Action – verbally declare that Jesus is the way

to be forgiven and way to eternal life

Repeat this Prayer to verbally declare

Jesus into your heart

Jesus has already forgiven you

for your sins

You just need to

accept his

forgiveness

and

accept His

love

Jesus already forgave your

sins on the cross.

You can then enter

into the presence of God

and into

Heaven

for

eternity

God’s Spirit enters our heart to help us

learn spiritual things and

to do the next

right things.

Since Jesus has forgiven you

Now we need to learn

how to forgive others and self

We are to forgive our enemies

Also, Even though it is harder to forgive friends and family,

Jesus interceded on our behalf to God

To Forgive us

On the Cross, Jesus said

“Forgive them for they know not what they do”

Because Jesus forgave us

We are instructed to

forgive others

Practice forgiveness

Some good in the worst of us

and

some evil in the best of us

Wow,

we also need to forgive those who were silent and

did not care…

or pulled away from us

when we needed them the most…

this is really hard…

to do

Forgiving them does not condone

what they did was right,

it releases the negative hold

their words or actions

have on our minds and spirits.

Release the power of others mistakes

over you

by forgiving them.

They no longer can rent space in your mind and heart and

they can no longer

have the power

to keep

re-wounding

you.

Many times divine help

is needed in order to forgive when

their actions have caused

a deep routed resentment

in your spirit

In AA

I was told to follow these instructions

for resentments…

to pray for everything

I wanted for myself,

to be given to them.

I was told that it would free me

of the resentment.

Pray for their Health

happiness and prosperity

Even though I did not mean it

Pray it anyway…

Pray every day for 2 weeks

I did it and it works!!!!

The next thing I needed to do

was to accept

the person, place, thing

that was unacceptable to me

at the moment.

Accept that not everything that happens

is God’s Will

People make mistakes

Innocent people get hurt

By accepting this mindset,

I could detach enough

from my emotions

to figure out

what actions to

take next

If Jesus could forgive all those

who tortured Him and

were not sorry…

And Jesus did nothing wrong..

Then who are we to not forgive others

The reward of forgiveness

is peace of mind and spirit…

and happiness…

Forgive those who are not capable of loving you…

Do you really want to be around

someone who does not

want to be around you?

Release them

When we know better, we can do better…

Keep learning and growing…

Look at Life as

learning lessons

instead of success or failure

Forgiving ourselves keeps us from getting stuck…

in shame, guilt and self-pity

the victim role…

Forgive and set your spirit free..

We are free to love again and grow spiritually

So once again, let us get some clarity on

Why Jesus is the only way

To Heaven “Eternal Life”

From everything I have learned

I look at it this way…

What have you got to lose if you do not accept Jesus?

According to the Bible,

you will lose an eternal relationship with God

Your divine creator.

Do I want to risk that?

Apparently, We need to be cleaned up

in order to enter into God’s Divine Presence

The way we do that is to

Accept that Christ became that doorway we need to go through

To be forgiven of our sins

And cleaned us up with his sacrificial blood, death and resurrection…

He already did that on the cross

You just have to accept it…

To reap the rewards…

ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY

If you cannot walk through the door yet

Just open the door a crack

and allow God’s light

of Love and Forgiveness

to creep though the door

and into your heart

and spirit

to help you

walk through the door

God wants a personal relationship with me

Forgiveness is the key

that opens the door to my

wounded spiritual heart

Thank God in the United States of America

we still have the freedom to believe

in Christ Jesus

without fear of death…

Special remembrance to my Aunt Mary who recently went to be with Jesus. This will be her first Easter with God and Jesus and all her loved ones. I will miss her hugs and the light of God’s love that radiated from her heart…

Remember all of your loved ones

who were forgiven and

saved by the Cross of Jesus

and now

in heaven waiting

for us…

Happy Easter

and

Lots of Love

to all of you…

Esther Mae

Is it safe for my inner child “real self”

to emerge from

my secure bunker?

My inner child

is the real part of me

that is pure, sincere, innocent and

Is connected to my spiritual heart.

Remember, the Spiritual heart of God

also resides in our spiritual heart.

What to do to awaken my “inner child”,

the source of my “true identity”, my true spirit

which resides in my spiritual heart,

To clear the channel to

my “inner child”

“true self”

I need to identify

the negative thoughts and

self-defeating and

sabotaging behaviors

And the wounds.

Awareness:

Become aware of the survival patterns (formulas)

of behavior

that are blocking

the free and open connection to

my “real self”

“inner child”

within my spiritual heart.

When I free the Inner Child

I also free the Adult

I have a lot more to learn

on how to trust more and

live more with myself and

with others.

Who can I trust?

Only trust someone who can see

sorrow behind my smile

love behind my anger and

Reason behind my silence…

Protecting my “true authentic self”

was a survival technique that helped me

survive my childhood and

now in my adulthood,

“my false self” which I developed

to protect me throughout my life,

is no longer working in my adult years.

These behaviors are no longer necessary

and seem to be sabotaging

my peace and happiness

What will draw my authentic self out of my safe bunker?

• Is there a safe place to go where people will listen to me?

• Are there trustworthy people out there that understand me?

• Is there a safe place to go where people will not judge me?

• Is there a safe place to go where people will love me just as I am?

• Is there a place where people will accept me?

We all need a safe place where people will understand why…

I needed to go into the safe bunker in the first place.

Is there such a place?

I guess I need

Honesty and Love

Trust and Forgiveness

to open my heart again

to my inner child

I guess this is the time and the year

to get closer to our

“inner child”

Learning to develop

a habit of loving ourselves and

being our true loving self,

so we can connect to

the being of light and love

that our creator, God created

in our spiritual heart

Are you ready?

In my previous posts,

I have been focusing on how the 12 steps of AA spread and

is become a guide of spiritual healing

for many specific groups.

My spirit was just led to another such 12-step group

I attended for the first time,

an ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)

12 step program for adult children of Alcoholics,

specifically geared towards adults

who can feel safe to share their stories and

learn the dsyfunctional survival traits

that were passed on to them

through the generations and

by their parents.

They focus on family matters and

family rearing practices.

This is a “blameless inventory” of their parents.

Revisited only for healing purposes.

AAA (Aware, Accept, Action)

Awareness: of the dysfunctional behaviors taught and aware that you are now practicing those same dysfunctional behaviors

Accept: dysfunctional behaviors you learned and are now practicing

Action: Taking action to change each and

every behavioral pattern that is

sabotaging my peace and happiness

in my relationship

to others,

to my inner child (My authentic self)

to God’s Spirit

in my spiritual heart

Looking at dysfunctional behaviors

of parenting

is not betrayal or disrespect of

our parents

It is accessing the behaviors

we learned as a child

that are sabotaging our

present relationships.

Blaming our parents

keeps us stuck

They did the best they knew how

Parenting does not come with a manual

We only go back in the past

to reveal truths that will

help us grow and mature

spiritually

I will seek courage to take this

next chapter

of healing,

one step at a time,

one meeting at time,

one story at a time.

one truth at a time

one spiritual lesson

at a time..

HOW (Actions)

Honest

Open

Willing

Shining a light on the darkness,

does not mean that we “curse the darkness”

We shine the light,

or reflect God’s Light

to light our path

or the path of others,

so we can help ourselves

and others to become

aware, accept and take action

to learn and grow and do better

The ACA book says:

“no one deserves to live a life of fear and shame”

We all need more awareness of what shame is,

So we can let go of it,

So we do not spoil our existence… as this quote suggests

Shame is when I think and believe I am a bad person.

Guilt is when I made a wrong choice.

I can correct guilt by correcting my mistake.

How do I get rid of shame?

So how do I change this shame mindset?

Am I a bad person?

So I guess talking will help

with the shame

when it rears its ugly head.

If we think we are bad

then how can we love ourselves?

However, we need to find safe people

and a safe place

to share our feelings.

Counselors, friends, pastors, and 12 step groups

are a few avenues for spiritual healing

In 12 step groups

you get a sponsor

a person of your same gender

and with time and wisdom

in the 12-steps to walk

with you and support

you on your spiritual

choices

It is also important to

attend a support group of people

who understand and

can empathize with you.

ACA meetings are in person

and have online zoom meetings

all over the world

I believe we are all here on this earth to learn

our spiritual lessons while we are here and

to help others with

our experience, strength and hope.

It takes courage to make a commitment to

continually grow and help others.

Be open for counseling and other healing paths

that will open your mind, body and spirit to keep

growing and giving hope and love and helping others find their way.

Wow, so this quote tells me that

trying to be perfect, “perfectionism”

will keep me in this shame swap

Do I want to continue letting this character trait

sabotage my life and my happiness.

What can I substitute for trying to be perfect (perfectionism)?

This tells me to chase perfection

but know it is not attainable and

to be happy with

excellence.

I just need to gradually

keep learning and

doing better…

Learning from the wisdom of the ages,

we are told that

in order to get rid of the shame,

we need to get rid of seeking perfection

and strive for excellence and

keep practicing excellence,

until it becomes a habit.

Practice, Practice, Practice…

we then intuitively will know what to do.

I need to practice and

develop an attitude of excellence

every day

Be the Best I can be Today

and everyday

I learned to survive the dysfunction

by suppressing my words

I learned to survive by going into

my own sacred space and

protecting my inner child

I disconnected from the abandonment and rejection

I loved myself enough to create

a false self to protect my true self,

my inner child.

Now in adulthood,

it is safe to let my

inner child have freedom

This is my favorite prayer

for our “inner child”

I read “Transformation of the Inner Man”

and took from each chapter excerpts

to come up with this prayer.

Hope this brings a deep inner

divine love to your

Inner Child

This is entitled

“Happy, Joyous and Free”

our inner child

in God’s Hand

Our Creator, God

made us perfect in his sight

If he loves us

who are we not to love ourselves

and not to pass

that love on to others.

All things are possible

We are worthy and

it takes action to bring our dreams

into reality.

We were given free will to choose

God’s Will or

our own Will

On the path of God’s Will

we are given strength, courage and

dignity in God’s sight.

AAA

Aware of the dysfunctional behaviors my parents taught me.

Aware that they did the best they knew how

Accept the dysfunctional behaviors I learned from them and from my life experiences

Accept that I do not have to continue practicing these dysfunctional behaviors

Action – Adjust my attitude each day to believe healing from these wounds are possible

Action – Seek healing and avenues to heal from these learned behaviors that are sabotaging my relationships with people, self and with God.  

Action – learn and practice healthier and better ways 

Action – practice, practice, practice until it becomes a knee-jerk response and behavior

 

Needs from our Inner Child

I need to feel worthy

I need to feel heard

I need to feel understood

I need to feel supported

I need to feel accepted

I need to feel loved

 

Here are some Inner Child affirmations to repeat over and over again.

I did not grow up with positive affirmations,

so I needed to re-program my inner child,

be a nurturing parent

to my inner child.  

Love will bring us out of the safe bunker.

We no longer need to stuff our feelings

WE have found safe people

to share our experiences

and our feelings.

Our feelings are not right or wrong

They just are feelings

Mine…

Sharing feelings with those who understand,

will bring us out of the safe bunker

As children who were not told they were loved,

You can now

tell your inner child

that he or she is loved.

It is never too late to have a “Happy Childhood”

Today is the day to reconnect to your “inner Child”

Today is the day to start “reparenting yourself”.

Give yourself those things you never got as a child.

Chapter 8 in the ACA book

“The Solution: Becoming your own Loving Parent”

is a chapter I have not yet read

I am anxious to learn some

new wisdom and new ways

of self-care and love

to my “inner child”

This is a sneak preview of

the Re-parenting.

If led by the Spirit,

I will write on other issues

I will learn in the ACA

12-step support group.

If there isn’t any ACA

in- person meetings

in your area,

go online…

Meeting Search

I hope you have learned from this post.

I love all of you…

Esther Mae 2-28-2022

Is it safe for my inner child “real self”

to emerge from

my secure bunker?

My inner child

is the real part of me

that is pure, sincere, innocent and

Is connected to my spiritual heart.

Remember, the Spiritual heart of God

also resides in our spiritual heart.

What to do to awaken my “inner child”,

the source of my “true identity”, my true spirit

which resides in my spiritual heart,

To clear the channel to

my “inner child”

“true self”

I need to identify

the negative thoughts and

self-defeating and

sabotaging behaviors

And the wounds.

Awareness:

Become aware of the survival patterns (formulas)

of behavior

that are blocking

the free and open connection to

my “real self”

“inner child”

within my spiritual heart.

When I free the Inner Child

I also free the Adult

I have a lot more to learn

on how to trust more and

live more with myself and

with others.

Who can I trust?

Only trust someone who can see

sorrow behind my smile

love behind my anger and

Reason behind my silence…

Protecting my “true authentic self”

was a survival technique that helped me

survive my childhood and

now in my adulthood,

“my false self” which I developed

to protect me throughout my life,

is no longer working in my adult years.

These behaviors are no longer necessary

and seem to be sabotaging

my peace and happiness

What will draw my authentic self out of my safe bunker?

• Is there a safe place to go where people will listen to me?

• Are there trustworthy people out there that understand me?

• Is there a safe place to go where people will not judge me?

• Is there a safe place to go where people will love me just as I am?

• Is there a place where people will accept me?

We all need a safe place where people will understand why…

I needed to go into the safe bunker in the first place.

Is there such a place?

I guess I need

Honesty and Love

Trust and Forgiveness

to open my heart again

to my inner child

I guess this is the time and the year

to get closer to our

“inner child”

Learning to develop

a habit of loving ourselves and

being our true loving self,

so we can connect to

the being of light and love

that our creator, God created

in our spiritual heart

Are you ready?

In my previous posts,

I have been focusing on how the 12 steps of AA spread and

is become a guide of spiritual healing

for many specific groups.

My spirit was just led to another such 12-step group

I attended for the first time,

an ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)

12 step program for adult children of Alcoholics,

specifically geared towards adults

who can feel safe to share their stories and

learn the dsyfunctional survival traits

that were passed on to them

through the generations and

by their parents.

They focus on family matters and

family rearing practices.

This is a “blameless inventory” of their parents.

Revisited only for healing purposes.

AAA (Aware, Accept, Action)

Awareness: of the dysfunctional behaviors taught and aware that you are now practicing those same dysfunctional behaviors

Accept: dysfunctional behaviors you learned and are now practicing

Action: Taking action to change each and

every behavioral pattern that is

sabotaging my peace and happiness

in my relationship

to others,

to my inner child (My authentic self)

to God’s Spirit

in my spiritual heart

Looking at dysfunctional behaviors

of parenting

is not betrayal or disrespect of

our parents

It is accessing the behaviors

we learned as a child

that are sabotaging our

present relationships.

Blaming our parents

keeps us stuck

They did the best they knew how

Parenting does not come with a manual

We only go back in the past

to reveal truths that will

help us grow and mature

spiritually

I will seek courage to take this

next chapter

of healing,

one step at a time,

one meeting at time,

one story at a time.

one truth at a time

one spiritual lesson

at a time..

HOW (Actions)

Honest

Open

Willing

Shining a light on the darkness,

does not mean that we “curse the darkness”

We shine the light,

or reflect God’s Light

to light our path

or the path of others,

so we can help ourselves

and others to become

aware, accept and take action

to learn and grow and do better

The ACA book says:

“no one deserves to live a life of fear and shame”

We all need more awareness of what shame is,

So we can let go of it,

So we do not spoil our existence… as this quote suggests

Shame is when I think and believe I am a bad person.

Guilt is when I made a wrong choice.

I can correct guilt by correcting my mistake.

How do I get rid of shame?

So how do I change this shame mindset?

Am I a bad person?

So I guess talking will help

with the shame

when it rears its ugly head.

If we think we are bad

then how can we love ourselves?

However, we need to find safe people

and a safe place

to share our feelings.

Counselors, friends, pastors, and 12 step groups

are a few avenues for spiritual healing

In 12 step groups

you get a sponsor

a person of your same gender

and with time and wisdom

in the 12-steps to walk

with you and support

you on your spiritual

choices

It is also important to

attend a support group of people

who understand and

can empathize with you.

ACA meetings are in person

and have online zoom meetings

all over the world

I believe we are all here on this earth to learn

our spiritual lessons while we are here and

to help others with

our experience, strength and hope.

It takes courage to make a commitment to

continually grow and help others.

Be open for counseling and other healing paths

that will open your mind, body and spirit to keep

growing and giving hope and love and helping others find their way.

Wow, so this quote tells me that

trying to be perfect, “perfectionism”

will keep me in this shame swap

Do I want to continue letting this character trait

sabotage my life and my happiness.

What can I substitute for trying to be perfect (perfectionism)?

This tells me to chase perfection

but know it is not attainable and

to be happy with

excellence.

I just need to gradually

keep learning and

doing better…

Learning from the wisdom of the ages,

we are told that

in order to get rid of the shame,

we need to get rid of seeking perfection

and strive for excellence and

keep practicing excellence,

until it becomes a habit.

Practice, Practice, Practice…

we then intuitively will know what to do.

I need to practice and

develop an attitude of excellence

every day

Be the Best I can be Today

and everyday

I learned to survive the dysfunction

by suppressing my words

I learned to survive by going into

my own sacred space and

protecting my inner child

I disconnected from the abandonment and rejection

I loved myself enough to create

a false self to protect my true self,

my inner child.

Now in adulthood,

it is safe to let my

inner child have freedom

This is my favorite prayer

for our “inner child”

I read “Transformation of the Inner Man”

and took from each chapter excerpts

to come up with this prayer.

Hope this brings a deep inner

divine love to your

Inner Child

This is entitled

“Happy, Joyous and Free”

our inner child

in God’s Hand

Our Creator, God

made us perfect in his sight

If he loves us

who are we not to love ourselves

and not to pass

that love on to others.

All things are possible

We are worthy and

it takes action to bring our dreams

into reality.

We were given free will to choose

God’s Will or

our own Will

On the path of God’s Will

we are given strength, courage and

dignity in God’s sight.

AAA

Aware of the dysfunctional behaviors my parents taught me.

Aware that they did the best they knew how

Accept the dysfunctional behaviors I learned from them and from my life experiences

Accept that I do not have to continue practicing these dysfunctional behaviors

Action – Adjust my attitude each day to believe healing from these wounds are possible

Action – Seek healing and avenues to heal from these learned behaviors that are sabotaging my relationships with people, self and with God.  

Action – learn and practice healthier and better ways 

Action – practice, practice, practice until it becomes a knee-jerk response and behavior

 

Needs from our Inner Child

I need to feel worthy

I need to feel heard

I need to feel understood

I need to feel supported

I need to feel accepted

I need to feel loved

 

Here are some Inner Child affirmations to repeat over and over again.

I did not grow up with positive affirmations,

so I needed to re-program my inner child,

be a nurturing parent

to my inner child.  

Love will bring us out of the safe bunker.

We no longer need to stuff our feelings

WE have found safe people

to share our experiences

and our feelings.

Our feelings are not right or wrong

They just are feelings

Mine…

Sharing feelings with those who understand,

will bring us out of the safe bunker

As children who were not told they were loved,

You can now

tell your inner child

that he or she is loved.

It is never too late to have a “Happy Childhood”

Today is the day to reconnect to your “inner Child”

Today is the day to start “reparenting yourself”.

Give yourself those things you never got as a child.

Chapter 8 in the ACA book

“The Solution: Becoming your own Loving Parent”

is a chapter I have not yet read

I am anxious to learn some

new wisdom and new ways

of self-care and love

to my “inner child”

This is a sneak preview of

the Re-parenting.

If led by the Spirit,

I will write on other issues

I will learn in the ACA

12-step support group.

If there isn’t any ACA

in- person meetings

in your area,

go online…

Meeting Search

I hope you have learned from this post.

I love all of you…

Esther Mae 2-28-2022

No better time

to explore the many colors and facets of love

than on Valentine’s Day.

Are you ready to go down this path

of seeking new nuggets of wisdom regarding love?

One might say,

I know all there is to know about love?

I doubt that?

I am learning about love.

I am still a work in progress…

One might say,

I am not going down the road

to seek love again because I was hurt

by love and

it was too painful.

Broken trust and Anger will close our hearts

I understand intimately the pain of

betrayal, infidelity, broken trust and justified anger.

When a marriage partner

Asks for forgiveness and you forgive them

And then they do it again…

And they keep asking again, and again…

asking for forgiveness,

for the same things,

their actions do not match their words,

thus they are untrustworthy.

(This was manipulation on their part to keep doing the same thing)

I finally learned this spiritual lesson:

I learned that trust needs to be earned by actions not just words…

Actions speak louder than words.

Pay attention…

to their actions and

make sure their actions

are matching with their words

Having loved and lost is very painful,

but I guess it was worth it…

Sometimes I had to learn what loves was not,

in order to know what love is.

I have not experienced

true love yet…

Bitter (holding a resentment)

only gives that other person power

over my mind and my heart and

hinders my peace and

my chance of finding

love and happiness

in the future

AA, Alanon and

most of the 12 step programs

practice this action

to get rid of resentments.

I was told to follow

resentment instructions,

in the midst of

going through a divorce

with my husband’s constant

legal and verbal harassments.

I remember saying,

“I could not do this?”

I felt like I was condoning his actions and

giving him a free pass.

Shouldn’t he suffer the consequences?

I was told that I was not doing this for him.

I was doing this to be

set free…

from his hatred

and control

I was doing this for me.

For me to let go of the anger which was eating me alive

For me to let go of

him having space in my head and

the insanity and pain I was suffering.

I was to do this

To break the hold he had over me emotionally.

I did not want to do it.

But I did it anyway

It worked…

Once it worked and it relieved

the hatred and intense rage and anger.

I still had anger

but manageable anger and

I was not hurting myself with the anger anymore

Your heart will not be

healed and mended enough to love another,

as they deserve to be loved,

until you have healed and

gotten rid of your anger and resentments.

It is not fair to your new love partner

for you to bring all that wounding & emotional baggage

into your new relationship

I had to discipline

my mind and emotions to not

Relapse into that old way of

suffering and torture.

I guess

trust is important

for love to be real

and to even exist

Blocking love

is another form

of

self-torture.

You are giving Him power

over your happiness and

freedom to love again

If you learn the spiritual lessons

from your failed relationships,

you will pick better

next time.

Never give up hope.

I am 70 years young and

I believe that some of the best days

of my life are just around the bend.

Last year I went over to France and Spain and

Walked “el camino de Santiago de Frances”.

A pilgrimage of walking over 500 miles.

If I can walk that many miles,

I can find the “love of my life”

Someone who knows how

to love themselves and me

And has the courage

to try another love relationship

with me.

Never too late

to have the desires of my heart

fulfilled to find the love

God has hand-picked

just for me.

If It be God’s Will…

Maybe He has other

more important

things I am to do

while I am single.

Were the love relationship choices

I made in the past

a mistake?

I don’t think so.

Without the first marriage,

I would not have given birth

to my son.

So, it was definitely worth it.

I learned so much from

each of my marriages.

I am grateful for

those spiritual lessons.

It was not just me that was broken.

We both were broken.

I am a firm believer

That we each had answers and

healings for each other.

Our choice…

One chose healing and spiritual growth

and

the other chose rebellion towards healing.

His rebellion and the disease of alcoholism

destroyed our marriage.

I hopefully learned what

I was to learn to grow spiritually.

Both my husbands

rebelled but I

chose the healing.

Because they chose to stay stuck

they became angry and resentful

because of my spiritual growth.

In hindsight,

I see how much I learned from

each of my past relationships.

Thank you both…

So sad you did not chose healing.

Also, In that process

I learned a lot about myself.

How can that be a mistake?

There were many people

in my life who said

they loved me,

however,

they could not accept me,

without wanting to control me

I got a lot of new insights

by reading the above quotation.

Even though I was married

two men who said they loved me,

could not accept me

for who I was

They wanted to make me

be submissive

(an old religious doctrine which was taught incorrectly)

They wanted to change me and

control me

I could not accept their unkind words

and rejection

and

abandonment

Since abandonment was role-modeled in my family of origin

and in both my marriages

I abandoned myself

Thanks to God, to the 12 step support groups

and therapy

I now have a loving relationship with myself

I love who I am…

Love

Affection

Devotion

Desire

Love can restrain

Love can have conditions

o Want to change the person

o Want to silence the person’s voice

o Want to control them

Work on

practicing love

as a religion

Definition: Religion is usually defined as a social-cultural system of designated behaviors and practices, morals, beliefs, worldviews, texts, sanctified places, prophecies, ethics, or organizations, that generally relates humanity to supernatural, transcendental, and spiritual elements; however, there is no scholarly consensus over what precisely constitutes a religion

• Seek A love that

o does not condemn

o does not judge

o does not betray

o does not begrudge

o does not war

Acceptance -add acceptance to how you love self and love others

• Approval

• Tolerance

• Belief

• Acceptance allows freedom

o Freedom to forgive

o Freedom to tolerate

o Freedom to give

o Freedom to receive

o Freedom to allow

 Freedom to be forgiven

 Freedom to be tolerated

 Freedom to be allowed

 Freedom to be “who you are”

When you are allowed to be

who you were created to me,

your heart light and love

will light up the life of who you love and

those you choose

to give space in your life.

What kind of love comes

from my spiritual heart?

So the love that radiates

from my spiritual heart

does make a difference in other’s lives.

According to this quote,

each of us have a special color

uniquely ours

that serves a purpose

to those put in our paths.

Sharing that love

is very important.

You will never fully realize

the necessity and impact your love

has on others.

Just share it…

Wow, by just sharing love,

that love can cause a spark

that ignites a healing path

in the hearts and live of others.

Just share love

and know it makes a difference

to self and

others.

Six Categories of Love

1. Eros – Passion & Romantic Love

• I Dream of being loved and accepted for who they are

• I will give love but also want someone who can give love back

I Want passionate love with touching and hugging, & sexual

2. Ludus- Game-playing love, flirting

3. Storge- Family & Friendship Love

• Parent – Children love

• Parent – Children love

• Family – of choice

• Friendship

Friendship

Secrets

Truth

Sadness

Faith

Happiness

Respect

Love

Friends for a Reason

Friends for a Season

Friends for a

Lifetime…

Always be honest with true friends

Some people are

there when they need you

and stop connecting

when they are no

longer in crisis

4. Pragma – Mature Love-Harmony – with partner

Mature Logical Love

Love driven by the head,

the mind

Not from the heart

5. Mania – Obsessive Love, Jealousy and Irrational

Obsessive Love

Jealousy

Irrational

Need constant attention, affection, togetherness

Love is intense

panic if separated

6. Agape – Love of God – unconditional love – self-less

The Unconditional love of God

12 step Groups

try to practice unconditional love

to members

Agape love is selfless love

Not just an emotion

A conscious act of will

To Put others ahead of

ourselves

God puts us ahead of himself…

Agape love makes others

worthy and beautiful

by the power of its love

God’s Unconditional love for us

His Valentine for each one of us.

Be What you want to receive

If you want love

Give Love

If you want truth

Be truthful

If you want respect

Give respect

What you give

You will get

in return

When you connect to your

Spiritual Heart

You connect to the Holy Spirit

inside your heart

Let Go of Fear

Come Home to Love

Feel love flowing in and out of

your spiritual heart

Grow in Love

Expand that Love

Practice Love

Strengthen Love

Become Love

and

Merge in the

Illimitable Love

which is God

True Love

when you touch someone

with your spirit

and in return

they touch your soul

with their heart

Allow everyone to shine their own

beautiful colors of love

Accept them as they are…

made beautiful

by divine love…

To love a person

is to remind them

of their beautiful

qualities when they forget

If you haven’t read this book, please do…

Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Very interesting…

Ask your loved one to list their priorities of their love languages

so you can understand how they show love

Then Ask them to list in priority how they prefer to be loved by others

This will help you to understand how they love and what you can do to show your love to them

Words of Affirmations

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical touch

Love is meeting of two souls

Fully accepting the

dark and

the light

within each other

bound by the

courage to grow

through the good times

and the difficult times

I have learned that to understand the people we love

It is important to learn more about them

and communicate with them

in the language they can understand

I am capable of unconditional love

if I choose to practice it

Personally, I still believe that

God will fulfill

my heart’s desire

by sending me

A man who can

love me with Agape love

and with

Romantic love

I believe today that

I deserve to be

treated special.

I Trust God’s Will

for my future…

Since I have accepted Christ and

God and The Holy Spirit

in my heart

Nothing can separate me from

God’s Love

or

Jesus’s Love

or

The Love

of the

Holy Spirit

Hope you enjoyed and learned how to love more and hopefully

you have opened up your heart

for God’s Spirit to pour in

His love and fruit of the Spirit

love

joy

peace

forbearance

kindness

goodness

self-control

Happy Valentine’s Day 2022

Esther Mae 2-14-22

Someone named Barb entered my life years ago

as an intimate friend and

a macrobiotic food expert

who so generously taught me that

“You are what you eat”.

She believed that every food has a different type of energy.

I could not strictly follow the macrobiotic rigid health diet;

however, I learned about food and

their energies and to

balance the food energy

of my daily diet and

to carefully research

what I am eating.

Eating Organic without pesticides was stressed.

If you want to really understand the difference,

I encourage you to go get regular carrot juice

and organic carrot juice (side by side)

look at the color

taste them

You will be swayed

It costs a little more for organic however,

the taste is much better

and your digestive system

will thank you.

Why do you think there is an increase

in digestive disorders

and immune disorders?

Talk to Naturopathic doctors

and they will tell you that

your body is rejecting the food because

it has been GMO’s

Genetically Modified

Really?

Yes

Fake Food!

Cheap (not organic)

Easy (fast food with preservatives)

Fake (GMO) Genetically modified, preservatives, hormones added, artificial colors, artificial flavors, pesticides used on food

Wake up Americans!!!

It is not only the viruses that the scientists

are genetically mutating the DNA

They have been doing that to our seeds and food

Take a GMO food product and

put it down for the ants to eat.

They know it is fake

They will not eat it

and neither should we

Aspartame sweetener, look at this…

look at the side effects

Oh my God…

Yes but the FDA and CDC

said it was ok

Can we trust the CDC and FDA?

Check out the facts.

Cut a tomato and sit it out on the counter and

see if it starts to rot and get moldy within a few days. I grew up on a farm and I know they are supposed to rot.

It not,

it has been genetically modified

Aren’t you curious why

strawberries and tomatoes

no longer smell like what

they are supposed to smell like?

Who knew that Thomas Edison, the inventor of

the light bulb

would comment that

“Food would be our medicine of the future”

How could this happen?

Hormones – estrogen

As children,

Males and females drank milk

Does this ring any bells, folks

Why did they give cows hormones

through their food and injections

To produce more milk

Greed? or ignorance?

neither is excusable.

To Make more money

Here is a comparison

between cow’s milk and other milks

Other milks need to be organic

because they could be GMO’d also

Keep in mind

If you eat organic milk

You do not need to worry

My favorite is Coconut milk

and coconut water for hydration

The others can be GMO’d

So important to be organic

Pesticides, hormones and preservatives and food colorings and preservatives, to increase shelf life,

can be added in the seeds of plants and or injected into animals

So they only way to be sure,

Is to eat organic.

They added growth hormones to salmon

to make them grow faster

to make more money

The only way to be sure they are not GMO’s

is the label

organic

or

Wild Alaskan Sockeye usually is ok

on The label

Wild caught can be misleading

Read about Monsanto and

how much lobbying power

Monsanto has in our Federal Government

All of these were added to our plants and animals

No wonder we have so much cancer

No wonder we have an over abundance

of estrogen

in women and men

Click to access 325.full.pdf

…details the environmental and health effects associated with the agricultural use of growth hormones. The findings link the use of growth hormones in beef cattle production facilities with the occurrence of these potential endocrine-disruptors in surface and groundwater. Water contamination with these synthetic steroids has led to an increased concern about the agricultural use of growth hormones. Unfortunately, growth hormone presence in waterways has been linked to adverse endocrine-disrupting effects on aquatic and terrestrial life, including abnormal blood hormone levels, masculinization of females, feminization of males, altered sex ratios, intersexuality, and reduced fertility in fish. Additionally, continuous exposure to low hormone concentrations has been linked to adverse health effects in humans, such as increased incidence of cancers, sexual disorders…

In my opinion

A lot of people are going vegan

not realizing that if they are not eating organic

there could still be a problem with added hormones, pesticide, additives or artificial flavors, preservatives and colors.

Meat is ok if organic and not GMO or hormones or pesticides or antibiotics or artificial colors or additives

Vegetables are ok if organic and not GMO or hormones or pesticides or antibiotics, artificial colors or additives

Fruits are ok if organic and not GMO or hormones or pesticides antibiotics, artificial colors or additives

THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITES

YOU CAN GET THESE BY CASE AT COSTCO

ORGANIC PROTEIN POWDER AT COSTCO

ORGANIC SUPERFOODS – SOMETIMES AT COSTCO

ORGANIC COLLAGEN SUPERFOODS AT COSTCO

ORGANIC ALMOND BUTTER AT COSTCO

ORGANIC COCONUT MILK AT COSTCO

Great in chicken broth and soups

Great in chicken gravy

Use instead of cream in coffee

Lots of uses

Organic Newman’s Own k-cups coffee

Costco

Try these beans, Adzuki beans,

they are very digestible

Inflammation causes diseases, so this turmeric liquid tastes ok

and will help with inflammation

I took this everyday when I walked the

500 miles

El Camino de Santiago de Frances 2021

It works for pain and inflammation

Amino are great for your health

Soy is starting to be GMO

So an alternative is

Coconut Aminos

These two are my favorites

I use on eggs, meats, vegetables

it aids in digestion

love it…

Briggs is best for taste

I found it at Weiss and at Whole Foods

This is my favorite for breakfast

I cook like oatmeal

and add organic cranberries or figs or dates

and sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds and

cook it all and then add Almond or Coconut milk

Look at the powerhouse grains in it

Kamut

Spelt

Almonds

Quinoa

Amaranth

Read up on these grains

much better than wheat

I came to find out that I have a sensitivity to gluten

These seem to work ok with my diet

Can get a Costco

I always have hit or miss with fresh avocados

so I get these small containers of guacamole and also

small single size hommus

at

Costco

Try this ancient grain

You can toast it very slightly before cooking

It brings out the flavor

Don’t toast too long or it will pop like popcorn

You can use it like grits with breakfast

or use it as side with meal like rice

Excellent

add spices to flavor it up if you like

Couscous is also a great grain to use as side dish

Organic nuts are getting more expensive in the stores

However, you can still afford them

at Costco

Get Organic Almonds, Walnuts, Pecans, Cashews

Always toast nuts to bring out their flavors. Careful not to burn them.

Nuts are excellent

Be careful

If not organic

they could be GMO

Dehydration

I try to take one of these packets a day

Trace Minerals

It helps to keep me hydrated

I can drink water, but it seems to go through me

I guess my age is a factor

Try these

Many flavors, love this one the best

the orange get caked together,

so do not recommend that flavor

There are a lot of people who

say at my age,

I should avoid salt

I do not go along with that belief

I use this pink salt because it has a lot of minerals

I do not use white salt

Try this spice

Baharat

It has cumin, coriander, black pepper,

cinnamon, cardamon, clove, allspice,

ross petals, ginger and nutmeg

Be adventurous how you use this spice

Spice up your life and your food.

These are not organic

They are the Indian spice blends

If you can find them organic, then even better

I love experimenting with them in difference dishes

Republic of Teas

Have a great selection of

Organic individual straws for hiking

They also have wonderful teas

Check out their website

Love the Oolong tea and green tea and these above

I hope you have enjoyed this post on a

little different type of message

My favorite health foods and

How to choose food wisely

And stay healthy

Do you own research

I find the older I get

the more sensitive my digestive system has become!!!

I am not rigid

However, I find that

if I eat organic,

I feel better

If I avoid dairy,

I feel better

If I avoid gluten,

I feel better

I guess the bottom line is

I want to feel better

So, I will try to

eat better.

I also avoid the white foods,

White sugar, white flour, white salt

I am not racist

I just have done my due diligence

and realize they took out all the nutriment and made it white

Happy Eating

Love you all, Esther Mae

2-10-2022

I am anticipating and open

to learn from the many quotes of the wisdom of the ages,

which I believe came from their spiritual hearts,

which was their connection with God’s Spirit.

So in reality true divine wisdom originates in our spiritual hearts.

Many strong women prayed and prayed

for God to help their husbands to get sober.

Many are still praying and pleading to God today, right this minute.

Asking God if they

Are they to stay or to leave their marriage or what action

God wants them to take

with their alcoholic or addicted husband who is

Physically deteriorating in front of their eyes and

who is hurting and getting sicker

and who has now reverted to

constantly putting them down

which is slowly chipping away at their self esteem

and self worth.

I can empathize with their situation.

You may laugh at this next picture;

however, if you are living with an alcoholic or addict

or have lived with one,

you will deeply understand the depth of the message

behind this nibbled message.

It is real folks…

This applies to the alcoholic and also to those who love them and live with them.

The alcoholic and addict are getting sicker and sicker.

What is the wife and mother to do?

Do they take action?

What action might that be?

or Do they live or stay?

Many wives stay because of their children.

At least their child can see one sober parent and

know they are not alone.

This is where Alanon

(12 step spiritual program for people who need to take care of themselves while living with an alcoholic)

or deal with the damage that was done to them

as a direct result of

the disease of alcoholism.

I stopped drinking alcohol and

became that sober parent who could,

with the support of others

live with an active drinking alcoholic.

I kept learning how to not get pulled

into their crazy and insane thinking

and realized

“I could not control their alcoholic

out of control drinking

and could not control

the negative toxic behaviors

that started to emerge on a regular basis.

I didn’t cause it and I can’t cure them.

I could only take care of myself and

I came to

believe that the only

person I needed to change was me.

I needed to Stay on the Al-Alanon 12 step program and

Stay focused on my recovery

instead of their disease.

Allow the drinker to suffer the consequences

of their disease and

pray that they get help.

Some of you may judge these women

in history

who took a stand as crazy and insane and

just chalk them up as radicals;

however, maybe just maybe

God did speak to their spiritual heart

and tell them to rise up and make their voices known.

Some of these mothers felt God was not hearing,

so in desperation,

they also rose up and took drastic measures

to rally the troops which

in the long run,

brought public awareness of the severity

of “living with an alcoholic husband” and

the “dangers of alcoholic drinking”

to their children and to the family unit.

They were not killing anyone,

they were just destroying the booze and

the pointing a finger at the establishments

that were providing the booze

to corrupting their husbands and

thus providing an easy available entising avenue

to destroy their families and

thus destroy their children and

destroy their food supply and shelter.

Food and shelter are a basic human need.

When deprived of these needs

This taps into the “Flight or fight” mode.

Look at the other basic needs

How many of these are destroyed by

Someone’s alcoholic drinking?

Do you see where this is going?

Some of these courageous women of the past,

as crazy at it sounds,

felt God was telling them to rise up and

take the radical stands that they took?

I employ you to develop this mindset as we progress

down this spiritual path back in history.

As you read further, you decide?

Let’s be open to hear from the divine wisdom in our spiritual hearts.

I was clearly led by the Spirit

to go down this historical pathway first,

before sharing my Personal Holy War with alcohol

and the alcoholic in my life.

Maybe I will be led to share parts of my personal story along the way.

Here we go on a journey into to the past

to gain wisdom, strength and hope.

Look

at this lithograph again.

Very carefully

What do you see?

Womans Holy War – Grand Charge on the Enemy’s Works

Published 1874 by Currier & Ives

Subject: Political Cartoon – Women’s Movement –Temperance & Women’s Rights – 1870-1880

Titled: Woman’s Holy War, Grand Charge on the Enemy’s Works

Portraying virtuous armored women warriors (riding sidesaddle

and little girls riding horseback with armor (shields)

trying the only way they knew how to take a stand and

bring to the political forefront the reality and dangers of pubs, bars and excess drinking,

to protect themselves from the dangers and consequences they are experiences with their husband’s drinking of alcohol and

the dangers and consequences and how it affected and harmed their marriages and their children.

The Enemy of the Woman’s Holy War was alcohol and

the only solution they saw was to destroy the supply, close the taverns who served alcohol and

make the sale of alcohol illegal.

The “Holy War” was the nineteenth-century crusade

for temperance and prohibition,

whose advocates were predominantly clergymen and women.

Here a young woman in armor on a black horse,

Foremost woman bears the shield of the

(Old Senate Chamber of US Capital Building, seal of US and US flag)

Signifying goal of patriotic and political motives to

Changing laws and the amendments to the United States constitution

leads a group of similarly garbed women on foot and on horseback.

With large battle-axes, Carrie-Nations-style

to destroy and shatter barrels of beer, whiskey, gin, rum, and “Wine & Liquors.”

The leg of a fleeing miscreant (one who behaves badly) fleeing man is just visible at lower right.

In the background are two banners:

“In the Name of God and Humanity” and

“Temperance League.”

Women were fighting multiple battles –

Temperance Movement – Social movement against consumption of alcoholic beverages

19th and 20th centuries – temperance movement in English speaking Scandinavian Protestant one, to Canada, Norway and the United States, as well as provincial prohibition in India.

• Alcohol education on alcohol’s negative effects on health, personalities and families

• Promotes passage of alcohol laws on use, abuse, sales, regulations

• Temperate (moderate) use or

• Abstinence from Alcohol (Teetotalism as a virture)

• Sufferage

The background to this is that much of the drinking went on in male-only gathering places in 1874,

and working-class men too often went straight from the factory gates to the saloon on pay-days,

and drank and gambled away much of the money that their families needed to survive.

Much wife-beating and abusive parenting was done when husbands were drunk. Even many well-off middle-class and upper-class wives (who were not victims of spousal abuse, and whose economic situation was not threatened by their husbands’ drinking) felt somewhat resentful and neglected when their husbands spent too many nights out at all-male convivial events (almost invariably involving drinking and sexual encounters).

Many women saw alcohol prohibition

as a highly-desirable social reform which would ameliorate many of these problems –

and women banding together to take collective action relieving the sense of personal helplessness

that women often felt about their individual situations.

Looking at this photo of the Womans Holy War speaks volumes to me.

Oh my God, I love the bravery and courage of these women.

I can empathize with their hatred of alcohol

because I walked and lived and experienced

the same abandonment

(physical, emotional and spiritual)

from a loved one, a husband,

who got caught up and held captive and

metamorphized by the disease of alcoholism

These mothers and children had

no control over their husband’s and father’s

choice to drink.

They were desperate to do whatever

it took to get them

to stop drinking alcohol.

They were suffering and

their children were suffering.

This is an horrific picture;

however, a child living in an alcoholic family,

can feel this crazy and

feel the insane emotional pain

of living with an alcoholic father.

The wives and mothers

needed to do something!!!

Their choices may not have been the best choice;

however,

they needed to do something…

They decided they could try to

• Destroy the supply chain and

rid society of all alcohol

• Destroy the barrels of booze

• Get rid of The Bars

(so their husbands had no place to go to after work)

• Get rid of the temptation

to drink in the saloons

• Close the saloons

• Stop the manufacturing of alcohol beverages

• Make alcohol illegal to sell

• They could change the laws by legislation

• They could push abstinence

We now know that abstinence is the only thing that works with the alcoholic because of the physical craving and the mental obsession that starts with the first drink.

Also if they never take that first drink of alcohol,

they will never get drunk

• They could push for temperance of drinking alcohol

(Women’s Christian Temperance Union) WCTU

The Women got organized and took action:

Any avenue that would eliminate

their husband’s access to the deadly alcohol,

thus making it more difficult for

their husbands to get the deadly poison

(out of sight, out of mind)

(Temptation was at least hidden from view, not front and center)

Why do you suppose we are going back in history?

Why wasn’t I taught this part of American history

in high school or college?

This knowledge would have helped me cope,

knowing that other women

in the past dealt with the same dilemma,

“a hatred of the collateral damage of alcohol consumption”.

Why was this part of history omitted in our history classes?

I have a feeling I will be showing you

more photos and lithographs from the past

depicting the sentiments and issues of that time period

as it relates to alcohol use, abuse and addiction

I employ you to study the photos and observe

what messages

the spirit is sending to you through those photos.

Creator: Currier and Ives

Title: “The Fruits of Temperance”

Publication:

Publication Date: 1848

Description: The Temperance Movement called for moderation and abstaining from alcohol.

The argument was that alcohol consumption encouraged vice, violence, crime, destitution, and drinkers were more susceptible to poor health.

Supporters of temperance tried at first to use moral persuasion to convince the American public to come around to their position.

The printers at Currier and Ives encouraged pious living and attempted to show the positive influence of temperance, as they see them. Source: JB Allen in New York. Folder: Temperance Plan Putinski

This photo showed the rewards of temperance

(moderation and or totally obtaining from drinking any alcoholic beverage, whatsoever)

Now I understand why many religious groups preached and

developed a “no drinking any alcohol” policy.

I never understood this before.

This research is answering one of the questions I had about why my childhood church,

the church of the Brethren,

They also witnessed the collateral damage alcohol was doing to their families in their churches.

Church of the Brethren

Members of the Church of the Brethren have repeatedly spoken the words “moderation in all things; abstinence from harmful things.” The church’s task has been, throughout its history, to determine what things are then harmful. Several verses of scripture have guided Brethren in their convictions concerning alcoholic beverages. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17, We are God’s temple and have the obligation to keep ourselves in top shape. Romans 6:12 calls for an individual to respond through clean, moral living. Romans 2:12, Do not be squeezed into the mold of the world.

An early formal statement on alcohol was given in an Annual Conference statement of 1781 taking a position of being against the distilling of alcoholic beverages. Little formal action was taken until the 1948 Conference, which especially spoke out against the advertising of alcoholic beverages and asked that other denominations join in that effort. Four years later, in 1952, a formal statement on alcohol was adopted which called alcohol one of America’s greatest problems. Not only was it America’s problem but it a problem within the church members.

Biblical reasons for abstinence

There are also Biblical writings which point to the dangers of the abuse of alcohol. “Wine,” says the book of Proverbs, “is a mocker” (20:1) and can be a source of woe, sorrows, and strange visions (23:29-35). The New Testament warns against drunkenness and drunken orgies (Rom. 13:13; 1 Cor. 5:11: 6:10; Gal. 5:21; 1 Peter 4:3; 1 Tim. 3:3,8; Titus 1:7). “Do not get drunk with wine” is the mandate of Ephesians 5:18. We are urged to live responsible lives (Eph. 5:15-16), to live worthy of the Gospel of Christ (Phil. 1:27), and to present our “bodies as living sacrifices holy and acceptable to God” (Rom. 12:1).

While the Bible does not make a specific plea for abstinence, it is recognized as an appropriate religious response. Provisions are made for anyone who wants to “separate himself to the Lord” (Num. 6:2) with the Nazarite vows which include a vow of abstinence from wine and strong drink (Num. 6:1-8). Note, also, the situation of the Rechabites in Jeremiah 35. John the Baptist represents the abstinence position in the New Testament (Luke 1:15) and his position is given equal approval with the more liberal stance of Jesus (Luke 7:33-35).

This was not just a religious or holy war,

it was a cultural and holy war to save our families from this disease

and the moral decay behavior that happened directly due to alcoholic drinking.

was also a problem in member of the Church of the Brethren.

Temperance Movement

Alcoholic drinking was not just causing

negative consequences in the families, 

it was also causing unemployment,

absenteeism in the workplace and 

physical violence to woman and children.  

Businesses needed sober workers. 

Churches were counseling church members

who suffered moral consequences from ALCOHOLIC DRINKING

Doctors were treated people who could not stop drinking

Women’s movement –

for prohibition and

to save themselves

and their children

Women who were victims

of drunken husband’s violence.

I was one of them.

I no longer knew who I was,

I had lost my self identity

I now know with today’s label,

I was a victim of abuse

(mental, physical and social)

I suffered both the physical and emotional abuse

from my alcoholic husband.

I remember vividly the time he hit me and

gave me a black eye.

I was in denial about how severe the verbal abuse

and occasional physical abuse had progressed,

until I could look in the mirror and

see this visible sign of physical abuse.

How can a substance called alcohol

turn a husband

into a raging lunatic?

I was not close to my mother and my father and my brothers and my sisters.

(The story of my family of origin will maybe be told at another time, another day).

I could not go to any of them for support.

I had a small child.

From 1970-2000 there were some shelters for women, who were physically abused, however, the courts were still lacking stiff penalties for such actions by men

so I thought I might try to ask my husband’s father for help.

Maybe he would understand and would help me

And talk some sense into his son, my husband.

I will never forget his response

My husband’s father’s response:

“What did you do to cause him to do that?”

These words burned a scar on my heart.

I knew I was all alone on this journey.

How to survive in a marriage of

Dr. Jenkyll and Mr. Hyde behaviors of the alcoholic

Those of you who have walked this same path

with a loved one who got drunk a lot,

understand and have experienced

this dual like personality.

Living with a loved one like this

is enough to make

a saint

go insane.

When a person drinks too much alcohol,

it numbs the brain and the reasoning part of their brain,

so they tend to make irrational decisions and

do immoral things that they normally

would not do when they are sober,

thus the extreme remorse the next day.

“The alcohol made me do it” excuse

Even if the alcohol and the lack of reasoning perpetrated the drinker

to make bad decisions and

take bad actions

while under the influence,

the reality is that the drinker

is still held accountable

for the negative consequences.

Being drunk does not excuse wrong behaviors

youtube link on drinking too much alcohol

After a blackout due to excessive drinking and

they don’t even remember what they did,

their spirit still suffers the aftermaths

of those negative actions.

I definitely can empathize with these women

who hated what alcohol was doing to their husbands

and to their children.

The decent human being you thought you knew,

is no longer there all the time.

At all costs,

I needed to make sure

to protect my son

from his dad’s alcoholic binges and

rages and violence,

even if it meant enduring the verbal and

occasional physical abuse to me.

It is like living on pins and needles,

never knowing when the household

would be turned upside down

with bouts of insane rage and

verbal abusive words and behaviors.

If you have been a victim,

the good news is that today,

there are many avenues

to use to heal those negative voices

in your head.

It is not easy,

but healing is possible,

if you have the courage

see a counselor and

work through the pain and

reprogram your mind and spirit.

No longer a victim,

instead a survivor and

a thriver.

God also provides a way to heal,

If we ask

Now you hopefully can understand what possessed these woman

in that time in history

to take such a radical political stance

against the use, the abuse and the addiction

to alcohol and take such extreme measures to be heard?

Women who were not even by law

given the right to vote yet.

They were desperate

Their loved ones,

mostly their husbands and

the fathers of their children were

Held captive by the drinker’s

obsession to alcohol and

Held in bondage to alcoholic’s blaming and shaming

to them and their children

Alcohol was taking away the bread and butter (food)

that was necessary to feed their family

Physical violence and verbal abuse was rising

as a direct result of their excess drinking

The mothers and children rose up

to battle the disease of alcoholism

in the only way they knew how.

Do we really have a right to judge them?

We can learn from the drastic stand

women and children took in the past

to save their marriage and

to protect and save their children

because of a husband who drank too much booze

which caused catastrophic damage

to the family unit.

There is a saying in the 12 step programs

“ I will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it”.

“No matter how far down the scale we have gone,

we will see how our

experience, strength and hope

can benefit others.”

Today I can empathize and support others

who are in the midst of the chaos of

living with an alcoholic.

They need validation

that what they are experiencing is real

and that someone else understands

what they are going through and

that it is not their fault.

With living with an alcoholic

There is hunger and

They cannot love other

family members

because they do not

love themselves

Maybe prayers from Saint Teresa

Birthed the 12 step program

in the Spirit Realm

I believe in the power of prayer.

Al-Alonan is the 1st 12-step path I took.

Al-Alanon uses the same 12 steps of AA.

I will go into more detail

how I got to my first Al-Alanon group at another time.

Just like our personal stories

can help others

in 12-step support groups,

so can the stories and actions

of the courageous women and men, in the past,

who took a radical historical stance

against the evils of the abuse of alcohol.

Let us look at some more historical pictures

to gain more insights…

How could a beverage cause

so much havoc in a family?

Take time to look at this historical lithograph.

Look at the 3 foundational blocks

Liquor dealers

Newspapers

Indifferent church members

These 3 foundational blocks support the solid foundation which is public sentiment

This foundation supports a bottle of liquor with the poison label?

• fluid extract of Hell

• guaranteed to kill boys

Read carefully and notice all of the many

fatal consequences of drinking alcohol

which are listed on the bottle

And then the title: One Year’s Work

Wow, a picture says a thousand words…

Alcohol seemed so harmless?

These are pictures of real life consequences

as they happened in the past in America.

Oh my God,

Look what I found in my research.

We can learn from history.

“The Drunkard’s Progress” a lithograph by Nathanial Currier

supporting the “temperance movement” in 1846. (only 176 years ago)

The Temperance movement in the United States was a movement

to curb the consumption of alcohol.

Why were wives and mothers so upset?

You will notice the victims of the abuse of alcohol?

The alcoholic wife and children

The Drunkards Progress from First glass to the grave

• Depicting that alcoholism was a progressive disease and

as the disease progress,

the consequences got more severe to the drinker

and to family members.

• Step 1 – A glass with a friend

o Look carefully into this picture labeled “counting the cost”

o First Drink

o Appetite for drink

o Saloon keeper has set the trap with fun and fellowship

• Step 2 – A glass to keep the cold out

• Step 3 – A glass too much

• Step 4 – Drunk and Riotous (blackouts, violence in the home)

• 1847 painting by Granger

• Step 5 – A summit attained, jolly companions, a confirmed drunkard (places that served alcohol – took precedence over the family’s needs)

o Saloons were viewed

as the avenue to recruit

and persuade men to drink

o Look carefully at this picture at the top:

This army of men being led to Prison,

Asylum,

and the poorhouse

• Step 6- Poverty and disease – (money spent on boos rather than feeding their family)

• Step 7 – Forsaken by friends

• Step 8 – Desperation and crime

• Step 9 – Death by slow suicide

Look at this historical chart of temperance vs intemperance

Historical treatments for chronic alcoholism were horrific

blood transfusions

mercury treatments

shock treatments

insane asylums

jails

The women and children took a stand against alcohol

to save their family structure,

the only way they knew to save their family and

feed their children.

Wives had Husbands sign a pledge of absinance

The Catholic “Our Mother of Sorrows” Total Abstinence Society”

had the Catholic women get their men to sign

this total abstinence from alcohol certificate

in hopes it would get their husband to stop drinking.

For some it worked,

for others it did not work.

Those others who would not sign,

were held captive by their mental obsession

and their addiction to alcohol.

Please look at the Fruits of the intemperance on the right side

• Anger of God

• Ruin of Families

• Contempt of man

• Poverty at its worst

• Forums

• Insanity

• Premature death

• Eternal Misery

Please look at the left side titled: Fruits of Temperance

• Favor of God

• Domestic comfort

• Respect of Man

• Peace and Plenty

• Length of Days

• Health of soul and body

(this is where they got that alcoholism is a soul sickness)

• Eternal happiness

Woman’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU)

Protestant wives

had their husbands

sign this Pledge

Promising not to drink

Total abstinence – picture of husband signing the

Pledge of Abstinence

Political movement

to destroy the alcohol supply and

shut down the taverns

who sold alcohol

They knew no other way

to get rid of the culprit – alcohol

Oh, yes, I can understand that extreme anger and rage and hatred towards alcohol.

Alcohol and also drugs that turn your loved one

into a person whom you do not recognize

They turned into Jeckyll and Hyde

You hate when they drank and turned into a crazy person and

then they are remorseful and

then the loving kind non-drinking person emerges from the ashes.

It drives those close to the drinker

batshit crazy.

Now I see why they call Einstein a genius!

Those of you who have lived with or associated with

a loved one in your family with an alcohol drinking problem

or with a family member with a drug problem

can look at this poster and see the anger and the pain

and the frustration and

also understand this intimate meaning for insanity.

Those of us who lived it,

can view the damage from inside the family dynamics and

can feel the pain and sting of alcohol.

Those of you who did not go down that path

can only view this poster from an outside and intellectual perspective.

Another historical picture in Harpers Weekly, March 21, 1874

Title: “The Bar of Destruction”

Publication: Harper’s Weekly. Source: Folder: Temperance Plan Putinski

Publication Date: March 21, 1874

Description: The United States Temperance Movement reached its zenith in the 19th and early 20th centuries.

• It was primarily spearheaded by women, who,

• although lacking the ability to vote,

• still managed to influence politics enough

to ensure the passing of temperance legislation

• on state levels and ultimately at the federal level

with the passage of the 18th Amendment in 1919.

• The Temperance Movement

called for moderation and abstaining from alcohol.

• The argument was that alcohol consumption encouraged vice, violence, crime, destitution,

• and drinkers were more susceptible to poor health.

• Supporters of temperance tried at first to use moral persuasion

• to convince the American public to come around to their position.

• Rid America of Alcohol with a hatchet – Carrie A. Nation

• 1st peaceful protests

• Then she set out to start smashing bottles of booze in bars

• First rocks and bricks smashing

• Went to jail

• 1901 released from jail

• Welded a hatchet in the name of Christ

• Led up to 18th Amendment

• Take the time to click on these videos of Her Cause.

• You will get a smile on your face.

•

• https://youtu.be/PVYDFfPmxrM Her husband drank himself to death

•

• https://youtu.be/1MN89uko700 You must listen to this lady who started the prohibition movement

• https://youtu.be/fGxPKehNWg8 Hatchetation

•

• https://youtu.be/r-N0XlqrOno Women’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU)

•

• She wanted to get rid of all the saloons

•

• Prohibition

• Federal Government constitutional law took control over liquor

• https://youtu.be/G1T8NlbZ71s

• 1917- 1933 –

• https://youtu.be/_CE4u6jI_rc

Ladies would stage a knitting circle in the bars to protest

Another woman who had courage

to organize for a cause

to get women the right to vote.

Thank you Susan B. Anthony

and all the other woman warriors

Women arrested, jailed, beaten, chained,

body slammed, twisted, punched & tormented

to win us women the right to vote

And you’re NOT going to use it?!

Really?

God Did Make a Way

THE POWER OF PRAYER

AND OPENED THE DOOR

FOR WOMEN

WHO HEARD THE CALL

TO TAKING ACTION

TO INITIATE CHANGE

All these women below on the timeline

Took Action

Because of their actions

IT STARTED a chain reaction

Destroying alcohol and bars

Prohibition

Women’s Right to Vote

End of Prohibition

Awareness of Spousal Abuse

Legislation for Spousal Abuse

AA – Bill W. and Dr. Bob -heard the call

Alanon– Bill W’s wife, Lois – heard the call

Other 12 step support groups

to help people

supporting people – they heard the call

They all took action and followed through

to do God’s Will to provide a

way to heal from

Alcoholism and Addiction

Because of the women of America

Praying together

and taking a stand together

The government took drastic measures

to save the families and

then along came

AA and Alanon

All a result of a Nation praying for

Help from God

and taking the necessary

Action for

Social and Political

Change

To save the

families and the children

of alcoholics

I now see that all that praying for help

for the alcoholic called forth the birth of AA and Alanon

to help the sick

Alcoholic

and their wives

and their

children.

Who says God Does not answer Prayer

Wow, quite an interesting journey!!!

Love you all,

Esther Mae 2-8-2022

My life was spiraling out of control.

What worked in my marriage, was no longer working.

What worked to keep me sane, was no longer working.

I was tired of dealing with the ups and downs of life, all alone.

I needed someone to listen and understand.

I needed help. I cried and said these words

“God Help Me”

God heard my cry for help and

started to put his plan into motion

I have a feeling this post is going to be very informative and interesting

Balancing mind, body and soul.

I know I will be changed if and only if I am willing to open up

my heart, mind and spirit

to hear what I am to hear,

to see what I am see,

and learn what I am to learn.

Wow, look at this…

I now see why the 12-step support groups are so powerful.

We learn 70% of what is discussed – issues are discussed in these groups

We learn 80% of what we experience – experience, strength and hope discussed in these groups

We learn 95% of what we teach someone else –

so as we are sharing and teaching others,

we are leaning 95%

Make a decision to be willing

to see

to hear

(HOW) to do this?

H onest

O pen

W illing

It takes courage to walk into a room of strangers

and honestly admit that I might need some help

At the beginning of the meeting

they read this prayer

In this prayer they all were asking God

for courage.

That is what I focused on from this prayer

They also read The Promises

I heard that we were all doing this together

In this reading, I heard words of hope

It did not say maybe we will get these things

It said we will (not maybe)

If we work for them together

I had no hope

I felt lost

These words reassured me

that there was a way out of the darkness

a way to live life

and be at peace and

be happy in the midst of chaos

The 12 Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and

We will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone,

we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.

Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations

which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

“Are these extravagant promises?

We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us –

sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.”

I am willing to find another way

If this worked for all these people in the rooms

Then maybe, just maybe, it could work for me

I was willing to do whatever it took

to get out of this insanity

I started the process by listening

At first when I started to listen to everyone share

I was selectively listening

Certain nuggets of hope

popped up to hold on to

until the next meeting.

Listening without responding was

a behavior that progressed the more

meetings I attended.

As others shared their stories,

experience, strength and hope

I came to believe

That I, too,

could get this new way of dealing with life

life on life’s terms

I was willing to be willing to listen

I had a hard time expressing my feelings

I had a hard time sharing because

I had stuffed my feelings

I had medicated my feelings

I had denied my feelings

because my reality was too painful

to own and say out loud

I couldn’t trust anyone with my truths

So I listened

That was safe for me to do

I listened with my eyes for the genuine feelings behind

the words each person shared

They were honest about what they felt and

they put words to their feelings

I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

I could relate to their crazy thinking

I was not alone

I finally found others who understood me

What does the heart have to do with listening?

In our previous quotes we determined that

The Spirit of God

dwells in our spiritual heart

Spirit of Divine Knowledge

Spirit of Divine Wisdom

Spirit of Divine Love

Spirit of Divine Truth

Spirit of Forgiveness

We also learned that there could be blockages

preventing us from hearing clearly from

our spiritual heart

That is why the 12-step groups provide sponsors

and support friends to guide us as we

clear away the wreckage of our past and clear

the spiritual channel to the Spirit of God within

It takes practice and lots of healing

to intuitively know what to do

which comes from the heart and spirit

Listening helps us develop a relationship with ourselves

Listening to others helps us learn how

to listen to ourselves and to divine wisdom 

When we see with the eyes of another, 

listening with the ears of another and 

feeling the heart of another, 

we are empathizing.

We never can truly and entirely empathize with others

unless we have walked in their shoes,

however, we can partially empathize if we have walked through similar life experiences

That is why these 12 step support groups work.

They understand each other and can help each other because

they have walked a similar path

A similar path but not the exact same path,

a path with different shoes.

And have learned their specific life lessons along the way.

I needed a laugh…

Seriously, even though we may have walked a similar path,

we never truly can fully empathize with another,

because we have not walked their specific path.

Each path has its own bumps in the road.

We have no right to tell someone else what they should do.

Each person should determine their own path.

We can only share our experience, strength and hope and guide them.

The final decision should be their own.

If they make the decision, then they are held accountable

for the positive or negative consequences of their actions.

They then have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes.

If we make the decisions for them

They can blame us and they do not learn from their mistakes

Then how can we understand and

help the other person

and truly empathize?

Ask questions, get more information.

Get the Facts.

Ask questions

Listen intently before responding

Why should I pause before responding?

By listening we connect

We give our undivided attention to that person

It shows we care about them

A loving silence sent by our spirit

Unconditional spiritual love

Wow, just listening to another, starts their healing process.

Just listening starts my healing process also.

The spiritual message I am receiving regarding this quote is

Our listening sends a message that we care about that person

(giving them our undivided attention)

So, next time someone calls you on the telephone,

Do not be washing the dishes or doing something else

While they are talking

Give them you undivided attention.

It sends a message that the other person is important

and that you care enough to put them first

When we listen to reply,

we are more interested in giving our tidbits of wisdom

instead of listening to understand what they are trying to say.

More interested in helping others

rather than helping ourselves

Who knew listening was so important to me and to others?

If we pay attention when we help others,

we will also get a healing along the way

What to learn from this quote?

Listen first

Take it in…

Pause and reflect on what you heard

Keep emotions in check

Do not respond when angry

Process the anger first with someone else

And then respond with understanding and kindness,

not with out of control emotions.

Process your own triggered anger before responding.

Wow, actually rewiring the brain to be

calmer and more loving.

I guess this would be a good behavior to practice and learn

When spiritually at peace, respond

Respond with love not hate

Respond with forgiveness not revenge

Respond with kindness

Lord

Make me an instrument of your peace

Seeking to understand others,

we learn to understand them and

understand ourselves to a deeper level.

Keep asking to understand them better

In this process,

You get to know them and yourself better.

Keep asking so you can have empathy

As you ask and listen you get answers

As you ask and listen to others, they get answers

Let this process unfold and pay attention…

Don’t Assume or make assumptions without more facts

Pause and keep asking more questions

until you get understanding

rather than assuming and making false accusations

which causes more suffering to them

and to yourself.

Keep asking more questions

Keep practicing how to ask better,

more specific questions

It will help you with understanding them better

And it will also help them understand themselves better

And it will help you understand yourself better

and you learn to ask yourself more specific questions

Sounds like everyone benefits…

Practice, Practice, Practice

When they answer the questions

Repeat back their answers to the questions

By saying “This is what I heard you say”

Hearing again what they said,

helps them own the answers which came out of their mouths

You are helping them to hear and practice hearing

from their spiritual heart.

Assumptions start a chain react to drama.

Oh, that is how drama starts

Awareness and acceptance of this fact,

that I can be the cause of drama

sparked by my assumptions is very powerful.

Now I can stop drama before it escalates.

Who knew it could be that simple.

It just may be a good idea to listen more and not assume,

Assuming makes an ass of you

and me.

Listening is a learned behavior,

Accepting that fact

I need to practice sincere listening until it becomes a habit

Action is needed on my part.

Who knew that listening was so important in all of these areas,

Listen before talking

Think before you react

Wait before you assume or judge

Process emotions before responding

Keep trying

To listen we need to pay attention,

Tap into our spirit

And put others over self by listening

And trying to empathize with them

And honestly care about them

I am learning self-control and temperance

Anger is usually the emotion that is our best teacher

in regards to self-control

Asking questions and listening

can ward off getting offended

Asking questions and listening

can change my response

Asking questions and listening

can engage the brain instead of my emotions

We need both

our brain and our emotions

To deal with out of control/obsessive emotions

or out of control/obsessive thoughts

If severe enough

only our

Higher Power

can remove

Accept the fact that you are not crazy

That this process is a normal way of processing information

Practicing self-control of thoughts

and self-control of emotions

is important

Oh my God… Look at this…

Look how important attitude is and

how much underlying power it has on us

and our responses

Asking questions helps with understand of others and self

Looks like a chain reaction to me

Learning one thing (to listen)

Helps me think before I respond with anger

IQ – Intelligence quotient

EQ – Emotional Intelligence

SQ – Spiritual Intelligence

I can only share my personal life lesson in reference

to your question about the spiritual purpose for listening?

When a person listens,

Their listening is role-modeled so I can learn

to practice until it becomes a habit

and until it becomes a natural way of responding.

Because I am listening and not focusing on responding

I take what I heard into my spiritual heart for processing.

Then when I do give my response to what was said,

I also have learned to carefully listen to what comes out of my mouth.

Many times there is a message for me in my response

Remember, divine intelligence and divine love and divine wisdom

reside in the spiritual heart, where the spirit of God dwells.

Many times we get spiritual messages this way or we can also receive

The answers from the honest shares at the 12-step meetings.

Pay attention…

Just because you listened and heard an answer from another

does not mean that is the answer for you.

Take time to process and meditate and

seek wisdom from your spiritual heart.

When you have peace with the answer,

then usually,

it is the right solution for you

Reflections of what I have learned from this spiritual path we went down today as it relates to attending a 12-step support group.

• We all want to be heard and understood.

• There is power in listening to others

• There is power in listening to our spiritual heart

• We start the healing process when we listen, when we connect,

when we know they understand what we are going through

• We all want to honestly share without being judged

• We find people who have traveled a similar path

who can empathize with us

• We are given an opportunity to be heard

when we speak up in the group

• Because of others role-modeling honesty,

it gives us permission to get honest

• Because others share their feelings,

we learn it is ok to share our feelings

• We are accepted and welcomed just as we are

• We all have a need to belong

• We all have a need to feel wanted

• We all want to be loved

• We all want to be understood

Practice listening to others and

practice listening to yourself,

and to your inner voice of wisdom.

Who knew that listening could be so powerful.

Love you all,

Esther Mae 1-31-2022

The AA 12 steps was birthed on this earth

through the suffering of an Alcoholic named Bill W.

He could not get sober by himself

No will of his own could help him

In desperation, he cried out to God

Little did he know that was all God needed

to “put into motion” a 12 step program

that has spread throughout the world

helping not only the alcoholics and the addicts

but many other support groups which adapted these 12 steps

One of the greatest Act of Love from our creator, God.

Gods loves us even when we have turned our backs on him

God loves us even when we are walking down a path of destruction.

God will provide a way to get back on track.

Our choice to stay lost or get back on the right path.

Some of us are called to shine a light in the darkness.

Bill W. was not given a detailed outline on how to fulfil this vision.

Bill W. started each day with an open mind, heart and spirit to

become aware of others who entered his path to shed their divine light

and wisdom and contribute their piece to the puzzle of the vision.

Each of them were given the divine call and followed through to do their part to bring this spiritual program of AA into existence in 1935.

Many millions of hopeless alcoholics have worked and practiced these 12 steps to stay sober and start living and

walking a spiritual and sober path.

Bill W. just showed up day by day and

asked God what to do and he was shown what to do,

One day at a time

In the process of doing this,

He remained sober

One day at a time

Bill W. followed the call, the vision, and the divine plan of God

for the birth of the 12 steps and 12 traditions and

AA, Alcoholics Anonymous was born.

There was a lot of work to be done and a lot of people

needed to step up to the plate and contribute their part to fulfill

God’s Vision

Many times we are not sure how

to begin the process or what we are to do next.

Just show up for life and keep seeking and

asking God’s Spirit what to do next.

How many people have turned down God’s calling?

I think most of us can admit that we are one of those people.

I have the belief that if one person ignores the calling,

God will find another person

To fulfill his vision and plan on this earth

Pay attention!!!

God may ask you to help Him again soon…

What would have happened if Bill W. if he had decided to ignore the vision

that the Spirit of God gave him?

I guess God would have chosen another person.

Thank you Bill W for hearing the call and for following through.

We are all blessed in one way or another because of your obedience.

Suffering due to Alcoholism was the catalyst to seek help

and receive God’s grace and healing

(undeserved favor or help)

God wants to help us and heal us, and

God wants a personal relationship with us.

We did nothing to deserve it.

God wants to help us anyway.

Are you ready for the Spirit of God to take us further down this path?

If God is the creator of pain as part of our human experience,

then I would deduct that God would be the best entity to go to

-to ask for wisdom and help on how to deal

with pain and suffering.

Pay attention, there is always a message specifically tailored for you.

Open up your spiritual heart, emotions, mind and spirit and

be ready to receive

Pain is necessary for growth.

Pain is necessary to learn from our mistakes.

Pain is a catalyst for growth.

Wow, look where the Spirit is leading us now,

without suffering we would not have humility or compassion.

So I guess it is important that we have humility and compassion

to develop our character

True humility is

strength restrained

Humility is self awareness

Knowing who your are

Definition of humility

• Absence of feeling better than someone else

• freedom from pride or arrogance

• act of submission

Compassion – nurturing yourself

with kindness and love

Compassion looking beyond our pain to see the pain of others

Definition of Compassion

• wanting to help someone else – compassion for others

• wanting to help yourself grow spiritually – compassion for self

• Becoming Aware of Ego (self) driven Pride in ourselves and

• Working on our “stinkin thinking” beliefs and behaviors that are causing pain in ourselves and our relationships

• We can cultivate and develop new behaviors that relieve some of the pains of pride,

thus less suffering.

I am getting the message that if we decrease self-centered pride and increase more humility, there will be less suffering.

So taking action to become aware of and thus changing mindsets

can relieve the suffering and

make life more peaceful.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Here it is again – AAA (Awareness, Acceptance, Action)

Awareness of the pain (aware that the pain is there for a reason)

Accept the pain (honor its presence)

(fighting or rebelling or stuffing the pain – makes it worse)

Action to alleviate the pain

Denial

is the beginning of suffering,

we become aware of the pain and

start to feel the pain and

refuse to accept the pain as real (delusional) and

we ignore it and stuff it and take no action.

The volume on the pain will increase to get our attention

to do something about it

All suffering originates

from craving

from attachment

and

from desire

CRAVING

an intense, urgent or

abnormal desire or longing

People crave attention and

appreciation

Suffering happens when others do not

meet all of our expectations

Obsession

a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an

unreasonable idea or feeling

We can loose ourselves with

a romantic love obsession

We feel like the other person has a hold on us.

That other person does not have that much power

to have the hold on us.

We are giving up our power and ourselves

When we look at our obsession and ask God to Help us

with the obsession, we will get to the root of it (power behind)

the obsession that is holding us captive to the other person.

It is not them who is holding us captive

It is our needy and obsessive need for love.

As long as we keep saying it is them,

we are in denial

No one has that much power over us.

We need to look within…

Wow, I just got one of my answers from the Holy Spirit…

Now I am aware that it is not them, it is me and I will accept it and

I will turn it over to God to help me heal from

this romantic love hook which I thought

was the other person’s doing

The first thing that comes to mind

Is what happens when somebody says something that is mean

If I did not respond right away

I leave and I keep thinking about what they said

over and over again

and keep getting more angry

I am angry at them, however,

most of the time

I am angrier at myself for not taking a stand

As I am writing down this scenario

I became aware that this falls into the suffering category.

If I stop doing this

I will avoid suffering

In early recovery, we get a lot of obsessive thoughts,

and obsessive emotions because we have learned how to drink

them away with alcohol or some other drug.

A lot of suffering with these out of control thoughts and feelings until we learn and keep practicing how to handle these out of control emotions and thoughts.

Guaranteed there is an underlying issue screaming to be healed

Not being able to stop is not due to fear or doubt

It is because the obsession is so powerful

Only God can help us stop it

Wow, to obsess over something prevents one from getting what they

want so desperately

Well look at this, jealousy has entered our path

I grew up in a family of 11 and jealousy was running at full throttle.

To be jealousy is not being grateful for what I have

Wanting what others have

Not being able to be happy for them

even though I did not have it myself

I was so focused on what I did not have

instead of being grateful for what I did have

Is something coming up for you in reference to jealousy?

Is God speaking to you?

How hard it is to be happy for someone else

when they have what you want?

For instance, someone special in their lives to travel with

and share and enjoy retirement with

The message I received earlier in this post was,

in order to avoid the suffering,

Stop wanting it so bad and obsessing on it

Keep the desire in my heart and

I need to Turn it Over to God

Let it Go

And if it comes back to me

It was meant to be

People can get jealous of you because of who you are,

because you may have qualities that they wish they had

Some people can’t stand you being happy

They want you to wallow in their misery

If they have a problem accepting who you are,

then it is ok to stay away from them.

Sometimes we take jealousy of others as rejection.

If it is rejection,

then we need to accept them and let them go and not

take it personally.   

This is the other side of the coin of rejection. 

Addiction

a compulsive, chronic, physiological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms (such as anxiety, irritability, tremors, or nausea) upon withdrawal or abstinence:  the state of being addicted.

Addiction can just be a behavior, out of control, or

it can be rooted in a physical craving.

In the case of alcoholism, the medical community believes that

alcoholism can be triggered by a physical craving and

a mental obsession.

Therefore, abstinence is the only cure.

Once alcohol is ingested,

it triggers the physical craving and

the compulsion to over-indulge because

it bypasses the brain and

then overrides the will of the person.

Only divine intervention can break that cycle.

Wow, thoughts of greed, anger, delusion and

allowing them to turn into an obsession and

giving them power, will increase our suffering.   

 

Remember the AAA

Aware of what is causing the suffering 

Accept and own that the suffering is real 

Action – seek help and take action advice from experts and from

the most powerful healing energy of God

Attachment 

Fear and dependency

self-centered love

Expecting others to fill your love needs

Love without attachment

is the purest love

It isn’t about what others can give you

because you are empty,

It is about what you can give others

because you are already full

Always having to be right or have the last word

creates a lot of suffering

Be Kind

Be Open-minded

Be less rigid

Our thoughts and faulty belief systems

can cause a lot of suffering

Suffering because of harmful words that were said by others

and we believed them without checking if true or not

Acceptance is the key once again

Not accepting the reality of things or people in our lives

in the present, the past or the future

sets us up for more suffering

Acceptance is the key to avoiding suffering

Suffering is the resistance to what happens.

Stress happens when the mind resists what is

Problem is with your mind’s resistance to life as it happens

Desire

Attachment to our desires causes undo suffering

Attachments to certain outcomes causes suffering

Pain points out what is out of balance

Do an inventory, to see if the pain is from the mind, body, spirit or emotions?

Pain in our bodies point out that something is not working right

If we ignore the pain in our bodies

The pain will get worse.

We can take a pill and treat the symptoms

Or we can get to the root cause and fix it or treat it

Pain or imbalance in our spirit

Is usually an opportunity to learn a spiritual lesson

Pain or imbalance in our minds

Is usually an opportunity to work through a healing.

Seeking God’s divine wisdom sounds like a good thing to me

Seek experts to help us get to the bottom of the pain

Heal and Release the root cause of the pain

Suffering alone does not make us wise

Suffering needs to be added to

mourning – losses (physical, spiritual, emotional and mental)

understanding– the root causes and choosing healing

patience- seeking and waiting for awareness and correct timing

love- let go of blockages to love (jealousy, envy, fear, hate, unworthy)

openness– learning trust and seeking new solutions, insights

willingness to listen for answers

vulnerable to take chance to get hurt

Mourning

loss of loved one

loss of time

Process of grieving losses

Only cure for grief is to feel the feelings and go through the grieving process, one day at time

Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings

into infinity

We never will be saints; however,

we can learn patience, long-suffering and self-mastery.

Show up for life

Keep asking God to show us his Will.

Acceptance is the key

Accept suffering

Accept and learn from it

Accept the healing it offers

Work through it

Achieve Atonement

What is Atonement?

Reconnect of our spirits to Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit

Because of Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross

Our mistakes and sins are forgiven

to clear the channel to God

Because of Christ Jesus dying on the cross,

we can ask Jesus for atonement,

which heals our hearts of pain.

It cleanses the mind from doubt and grief.

It fills the mind with relief and hope.

It feeds comfort to our souls.

It fills the soul with Joy

Gives freedom from bondages and captivity

Develops a close bond with Jesus

Fill your heart with the presence of God and you will have Joy

It breaks the bondages that hold us captive

Joy sets our spirits free

Joy is the Presence of God

Wow, the Holy Spirit took us down another path,

and we still did not get to the essence of the 12 steps.

Hope you received the messages and insights

specifically tailor made for you.

We will start again another day and see where it takes us.

Love you all,

Esther Mae. 1-15-2022

God’s Spirit shown a white light (called a spiritual awakening)

on Bill W.

a drunk who could not get sober on his own.