Miracle of Recovery

September 9, 1989

33 years of recovery and continual sobriety

September 9, 1989  
Beginning of my multi-faceted Miracle
I took a first step and permanently stopped drinking alcohol…
One day at a time…..lasting for 33 years as of  today

Today I celebrate 
33 continuous years of recovery and sobriety
My Miracle gave birth when
Someone prayed for me,
asking God to help me…

If you see someone in trouble, pray, “God Help Them”

I cried out to God
“Please Help Me”

“Was I being punished? Did God turn his back on me?”

I had no idea how out of control
my husband’s drinking
had become
causing so much havoc in my marriage,
my life and
the life of our son.  

Change is only possible, If I accept my situation for what it is…

I drank more and more
to cope with life
which was
spiraling out of control
I thought I needed to
disassociate with the present,
which was too painful to accept
and thought I needed
to bury the past,
which was too painful to relive.

The wounds of the past need to be brought into the light for healing…

I started nagging and blaming my husband
for his drinking
Which only made matters worse and 
The anger and rage increased in volume

fear had power over me…

Blaming my husband made it worse
Blaming God for the traumas in my history
and blaming God for not answering my prayers
for my marriage and my family,
disconnected me from
divine help which
I needed so desperately.

Thank God someone was praying for me, when I could not pray…

As you will notice,
I only saw one set of footprints
I felt like I was all alone 
Felt like God had abandoned me.
I could not share with anyone 
what was really going on in our household
behind closed doors.  
I was too embarrassed and ashamed. 
Someone stepped up to the plate
And took me to Alanon
They understood the craziness that 
happens when living with a person
who drinks too much alcohol.
My head started to clear when 
I stopped drinking
which was when I was
Pregnant with our son.

I started to not care about my life, however, the love for my son, gave me hope and courage to find a way to get free from this insanity…

Then I breastfed my son for 3 months
without touching a drop
Of alcohol.  

This brief time without drinking
brought me out of denial.
I started to see the damage the alcohol was 
Doing to me,
my marriage and
my son’s life. 
My drinking was never the same after I gave
Birth to my son.
My son was definitely
an angel sent from above
to love and cherish.

 This love gave me the motivation
to start my spiritual healing journey
in 
Alanon
They taught me the three C’s

My husband kept telling me that
it was my fault that
He was drinking
I tried to get him to stop
I asked God to get Him to stop
I tried crying, begging, and pleading
His anger towards me
only increased
in volume and degrees
I came to realize that I could not change him
I only had power to change myself
and my attitude

He drank a lot more than me
So I thought he was the only one with the problem.
I could stop and start whenever I wanted… 
until it didn’t work anymore.  
Alcohol turned on me also.  
I still continued binge drinking, with occasional
blackouts,
until…

After driving drunk with our small child on my lap,  
While fleeing from a raging husband,
I spiritually woke up and
stopped drinking all together…
This is when God opened up the
doors of grace and mercy…
Counseling, Codependency treatment, 3 times, more counseling, 
2 year bible school, chaplaincy training.
Attended Alanon, AA, CoDa (Codependency 12 steps)
and continued down
A long painful pathway of healing and recovery.
Some days were more painful than others.
I was led to work in the Drug and Alcohol Prevention field 
for many years until
Retirement.  
I got a sponsor and I worked the 12 step programs in
AA, Alanon, CoDa and kept mentoring
and helping others along the way.
As I helped others,
God healed me…

Today, I thank all of the human angels
that showed up at the right time
And at the right moment
to help me grow and mature
and learn my spiritual lessons.  
To Name a few: Sylvia, Barb, Connie, Eileen, Linda, Sally, Patricia, Denise, Terry, Bill, Jesse, Theon, Donna, Shirley, Audrea and many many more. 
I thank my two husbands who in the midst of turmoil,
provided an opportunity for me to grow
and learn many spiritual lessons.
 I just kept an open heart,
open mind and
open spirit
to learn my spiritual lessons.  
Thank you all.
 
Most of all, thank you God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit for being the guiding force of grace to rescue me and bring me back into your will and presence. 
 
A lot of my angels have passed on and are waiting for me in heaven.  Some have gotten busy with other things, which is life.
 
I am now in the process of trying to establish new friendships.  
I pray that God sends me good friends to have fun with. 
I do not like to live life alone.  
 
God already sent me the most beautiful puppy.  
I named her Bling Bling. 
She is such a beautiful Gift from God…
She has already
rekindling love and passion
back in my spirit and heart again.
I just came out of a depression.
I will write more about that
later…
 

We all need to practice giving and receiving unconditional love…so we are ready to receive the love of our Father, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit…

Love you all,
 
Esther Mae.    9-9-2022