My life was spiraling out of control.
What worked in my marriage, was no longer working.
What worked to keep me sane, was no longer working.
I was tired of dealing with the ups and downs of life, all alone.
I needed someone to listen and understand.
I needed help. I cried and said these words
“God Help Me”
God heard my cry for help and
started to put his plan into motion
I have a feeling this post is going to be very informative and interesting
Balancing mind, body and soul.
I know I will be changed if and only if I am willing to open up
my heart, mind and spirit
to hear what I am to hear,
to see what I am see,
and learn what I am to learn.
Wow, look at this…
I now see why the 12-step support groups are so powerful.
We learn 70% of what is discussed – issues are discussed in these groups
We learn 80% of what we experience – experience, strength and hope discussed in these groups
We learn 95% of what we teach someone else –
so as we are sharing and teaching others,
we are leaning 95%
Make a decision to be willing
to see
to hear
(HOW) to do this?
H onest
O pen
W illing
It takes courage to walk into a room of strangers
and honestly admit that I might need some help
At the beginning of the meeting
they read this prayer
In this prayer they all were asking God
for courage.
That is what I focused on from this prayer
They also read The Promises
I heard that we were all doing this together
In this reading, I heard words of hope
It did not say maybe we will get these things
It said we will (not maybe)
If we work for them together
I had no hope
I felt lost
These words reassured me
that there was a way out of the darkness
a way to live life
and be at peace and
be happy in the midst of chaos
The 12 Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and
We will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
“Are these extravagant promises?
We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us –
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.”
I am willing to find another way
If this worked for all these people in the rooms
Then maybe, just maybe, it could work for me
I was willing to do whatever it took
to get out of this insanity
I started the process by listening
At first when I started to listen to everyone share
I was selectively listening
Certain nuggets of hope
popped up to hold on to
until the next meeting.
Listening without responding was
a behavior that progressed the more
meetings I attended.
As others shared their stories,
experience, strength and hope
I came to believe
That I, too,
could get this new way of dealing with life
life on life’s terms
I was willing to be willing to listen
I had a hard time expressing my feelings
I had a hard time sharing because
I had stuffed my feelings
I had medicated my feelings
I had denied my feelings
because my reality was too painful
to own and say out loud
I couldn’t trust anyone with my truths
So I listened
That was safe for me to do
I listened with my eyes for the genuine feelings behind
the words each person shared
They were honest about what they felt and
they put words to their feelings
I thought I was the only one who felt that way.
I could relate to their crazy thinking
I was not alone
I finally found others who understood me
What does the heart have to do with listening?
In our previous quotes we determined that
The Spirit of God
dwells in our spiritual heart
Spirit of Divine Knowledge
Spirit of Divine Wisdom
Spirit of Divine Love
Spirit of Divine Truth
Spirit of Forgiveness
We also learned that there could be blockages
preventing us from hearing clearly from
our spiritual heart
That is why the 12-step groups provide sponsors
and support friends to guide us as we
clear away the wreckage of our past and clear
the spiritual channel to the Spirit of God within
It takes practice and lots of healing
to intuitively know what to do
which comes from the heart and spirit
Listening helps us develop a relationship with ourselves
Listening to others helps us learn how
to listen to ourselves and to divine wisdom
When we see with the eyes of another,
listening with the ears of another and
feeling the heart of another,
we are empathizing.
We never can truly and entirely empathize with others
unless we have walked in their shoes,
however, we can partially empathize if we have walked through similar life experiences
That is why these 12 step support groups work.
They understand each other and can help each other because
they have walked a similar path
A similar path but not the exact same path,
a path with different shoes.
And have learned their specific life lessons along the way.
I needed a laugh…
Seriously, even though we may have walked a similar path,
we never truly can fully empathize with another,
because we have not walked their specific path.
Each path has its own bumps in the road.
We have no right to tell someone else what they should do.
Each person should determine their own path.
We can only share our experience, strength and hope and guide them.
The final decision should be their own.
If they make the decision, then they are held accountable
for the positive or negative consequences of their actions.
They then have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
If we make the decisions for them
They can blame us and they do not learn from their mistakes
Then how can we understand and
help the other person
and truly empathize?
Ask questions, get more information.
Get the Facts.
Ask questions
Listen intently before responding
Why should I pause before responding?
By listening we connect
We give our undivided attention to that person
It shows we care about them
A loving silence sent by our spirit
Unconditional spiritual love
Wow, just listening to another, starts their healing process.
Just listening starts my healing process also.
The spiritual message I am receiving regarding this quote is
Our listening sends a message that we care about that person
(giving them our undivided attention)
So, next time someone calls you on the telephone,
Do not be washing the dishes or doing something else
While they are talking
Give them you undivided attention.
It sends a message that the other person is important
and that you care enough to put them first
When we listen to reply,
we are more interested in giving our tidbits of wisdom
instead of listening to understand what they are trying to say.
More interested in helping others
rather than helping ourselves
Who knew listening was so important to me and to others?
If we pay attention when we help others,
we will also get a healing along the way
What to learn from this quote?
Listen first
Take it in…
Pause and reflect on what you heard
Keep emotions in check
Do not respond when angry
Process the anger first with someone else
And then respond with understanding and kindness,
not with out of control emotions.
Process your own triggered anger before responding.
Wow, actually rewiring the brain to be
calmer and more loving.
I guess this would be a good behavior to practice and learn
When spiritually at peace, respond
Respond with love not hate
Respond with forgiveness not revenge
Respond with kindness
Lord
Make me an instrument of your peace
Seeking to understand others,
we learn to understand them and
understand ourselves to a deeper level.
Keep asking to understand them better
In this process,
You get to know them and yourself better.
Keep asking so you can have empathy
As you ask and listen you get answers
As you ask and listen to others, they get answers
Let this process unfold and pay attention…
Don’t Assume or make assumptions without more facts
Pause and keep asking more questions
until you get understanding
rather than assuming and making false accusations
which causes more suffering to them
and to yourself.
Keep asking more questions
Keep practicing how to ask better,
more specific questions
It will help you with understanding them better
And it will also help them understand themselves better
And it will help you understand yourself better
and you learn to ask yourself more specific questions
Sounds like everyone benefits…
Practice, Practice, Practice
When they answer the questions
Repeat back their answers to the questions
By saying “This is what I heard you say”
Hearing again what they said,
helps them own the answers which came out of their mouths
You are helping them to hear and practice hearing
from their spiritual heart.
Assumptions start a chain react to drama.
Oh, that is how drama starts
Awareness and acceptance of this fact,
that I can be the cause of drama
sparked by my assumptions is very powerful.
Now I can stop drama before it escalates.
Who knew it could be that simple.
It just may be a good idea to listen more and not assume,
Assuming makes an ass of you
and me.
Listening is a learned behavior,
Accepting that fact
I need to practice sincere listening until it becomes a habit
Action is needed on my part.
Who knew that listening was so important in all of these areas,
Listen before talking
Think before you react
Wait before you assume or judge
Process emotions before responding
Keep trying
To listen we need to pay attention,
Tap into our spirit
And put others over self by listening
And trying to empathize with them
And honestly care about them
I am learning self-control and temperance
Anger is usually the emotion that is our best teacher
in regards to self-control
Asking questions and listening
can ward off getting offended
Asking questions and listening
can change my response
Asking questions and listening
can engage the brain instead of my emotions
We need both
our brain and our emotions
To deal with out of control/obsessive emotions
or out of control/obsessive thoughts
If severe enough
only our
Higher Power
can remove
Accept the fact that you are not crazy
That this process is a normal way of processing information
Practicing self-control of thoughts
and self-control of emotions
is important
Oh my God… Look at this…
Look how important attitude is and
how much underlying power it has on us
and our responses
Asking questions helps with understand of others and self
Looks like a chain reaction to me
Learning one thing (to listen)
Helps me think before I respond with anger
IQ – Intelligence quotient
EQ – Emotional Intelligence
SQ – Spiritual Intelligence
I can only share my personal life lesson in reference
to your question about the spiritual purpose for listening?
When a person listens,
Their listening is role-modeled so I can learn
to practice until it becomes a habit
and until it becomes a natural way of responding.
Because I am listening and not focusing on responding
I take what I heard into my spiritual heart for processing.
Then when I do give my response to what was said,
I also have learned to carefully listen to what comes out of my mouth.
Many times there is a message for me in my response
Remember, divine intelligence and divine love and divine wisdom
reside in the spiritual heart, where the spirit of God dwells.
Many times we get spiritual messages this way or we can also receive
The answers from the honest shares at the 12-step meetings.
Pay attention…
Just because you listened and heard an answer from another
does not mean that is the answer for you.
Take time to process and meditate and
seek wisdom from your spiritual heart.
When you have peace with the answer,
then usually,
it is the right solution for you
Reflections of what I have learned from this spiritual path we went down today as it relates to attending a 12-step support group.
• We all want to be heard and understood.
• There is power in listening to others
• There is power in listening to our spiritual heart
• We start the healing process when we listen, when we connect,
when we know they understand what we are going through
• We all want to honestly share without being judged
• We find people who have traveled a similar path
who can empathize with us
• We are given an opportunity to be heard
when we speak up in the group
• Because of others role-modeling honesty,
it gives us permission to get honest
• Because others share their feelings,
we learn it is ok to share our feelings
• We are accepted and welcomed just as we are
• We all have a need to belong
• We all have a need to feel wanted
• We all want to be loved
• We all want to be understood
Practice listening to others and
practice listening to yourself,
and to your inner voice of wisdom.
Who knew that listening could be so powerful.
Love you all,
Esther Mae 1-31-2022
12 Steps Recovery spiritual principles 